


Pit Saves Canada

by AlexKnight002



Series: Pit Saves Canada [1]
Category: Political RPF, Political RPF - Canadian 21st c., Political RPF - US 21st c., Super Smash Brothers, 光神話 | Kid Icarus (Video Games), 新・光神話 パルテナの鏡 | Kid Icarus: Uprising (Video Game)
Genre: Canada, Canadian stereotypes, Crack, Crack Relationships, F/M, Gen, M/M, Memes, Multi, Parody, The Hot Topic Krew, extreme OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2018-12-12 02:02:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 24,524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11727192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexKnight002/pseuds/AlexKnight002
Summary: Pit loves Canada more than anything, but when Donald Trump threatens to take it over, he must team up with Pittoo and Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in order to SAVE CANADA! Based on The Hot Topic Krew.





	1. Entering Cananada

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone! I just had a really weird idea for a story. You could think of it as a Canada Day gift to everyone, although it is over a month past the holiday, BUT JUST PRETEND! WARNING: Do not read this fic if you like Donald Trump. You won't be happy. This fanfic is based in the universe of The Hot Topic Krew, a story by MerchantAnna. Be sure to check out that story before this one. (And if you somehow haven't realized it, THIS IS A PARODY!) I'm not sure how long I'll make this, but it'll probably be a few chapters long. Here we go!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Green de la Bean bangs a French dude.

Pittoo was happily sleeping at home, dreaming of edgy anime, when he was suddenly awoken by an loud noise. "What the fuck is this," he edged because he's gothic but secretly a weeb. He had anime posters all over his room, but he painted skulls on them to make them edgy.

After opening the door, he saw his parents Palutena and Icarus playing on their guitars, with Green de la Bean on the drums. Palutena, Icarus, and Bean were all in a relationship together and they also had their own band called _Icarus and the Greens_ (much to Pittoo's horror). "Wtf is going on?!" questioned Dark Pit.

"Guess what, Pittoo!" exclaimed Palutena. "We're going to CANADA!"

"CAN YOU BELIEVE IT PITTOO!?" screeched Pit, jumping out from behind the couch. "I finally get to go to the true greatest country in the world! OOOOOO CAAANADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!"

"Our band is having a concert in Ottawa, and since it's summer, you two are coming with us!" said Icarus.

"BUT MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM! I was going to hang out with the Krew! We were going to watch anime BUT ONLY THE EDGY ONES!"

"Don't worry!" yelled Pit. "We're going to have sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much fun in Canada, and maybe even meet the Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau!"

Pit used to be obsessed with America, but after Donald Trump ruined his faith in America, he decided that his new true love is the beautiful and friendly country of Canada. Trudeau is his idol, and he has posters of him all over his room.

"OH MY GOLLY I JUST CAN'T WAIT TO GO TO CANADA! Or should I say I JUSTIN can't wait! I mean that as in Justin Trudeau, not Bieber, since Bieber is a total hoser!"

"Fuck no, I'm not going to Canada because of some shitty concert!"

"Language, Pittoo!" said Palutena.

"You friccin moron," Bean said to Pittoo. "We're going to Canada whether you like it or not."

"Fuck you, bean."

"Well, fuck you too, Pittoo."

"Calm down, guys! We need to stay positive-icus!" said Icarus doing the Icarus dance. The Icarus dance is so beautiful that even someone as edgy as Pittoo can't disobey him when he's doing it.

"Anyway, Cananada is the bestest place ever!" said Pit. "This is going to be the best day ever, eh? And we'll be there just in time for Canada Day! Hopefully something horribly bad doesn't happen while we're there, like someone trying to take over Canada. But that is so unlikely to happen!"

"Look, our van just arrived!" cannolied Icaru-san which is what Icarus is called in Japan.

"Now let's get oot of here, eh?"

Luigi was driving the van, as he is the driver for Icarus and the Greens "Come-a on-a in-a, everyone! Let's-a go!" Everyone piled into the van, with the angle twins sitting in the back.

"Okay," said Palutena. "Each person can have two hours to choose their own music!"

On the ride, Pit chose all Canadian music, such as the hits of Robin Sparkles like "Let's Go To the Mall." Pittoo chose anime music like Snow Halation and Renai Circulation, but added in curse words so everyone would think that he's still edgy (he's not). Palutena played "We Are Number One" and its hundreds of variations, and Icarus had everyone listen to kazoo covers of the _Star Wars_ soundtrack. And finally, Bean played music so loud that everyone else had to wear noise-cancelling headphones to keep from going deaf, while people driving beside the group gave them weird looks.

The angle family neared the border, opening the window for the border patrol guy. "Good-a afternoon, officer!" said Luigi cheerfully.

"Bonjour," he said because he was from Quebec. "Could you tell me ze people in ze car right now, mon amie?"

"All-a right-a officer! I-a am Luigi, and-a here-a we have-a my friend-a Palutena, her-a boyfriends Icarus and-a Bean, and-a their sons-a Pit and-a Pittoo!"

"And what are you going into ze country for?"

"We-a are going for a concierto! Icarus, Palutena, and-a Bean are-a part of-a band _Icarus and-a the Greens_! I'm-a their driver!"

"Okay, mon amie. Could I see ze passports of each person?"

"Wait, WE NEED A PASSPORT!?" yelled Palutena in horror.

"Sacre bleu! If you don't have your passport, you can't enter Canada!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!1" screeched Pit in horror.

"Do you at least take bribes," said Icarus frantically.

"Non, I will not take ze money bribes, but I may take sexual bribes, o _h-hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh-hoh!_ " he Frenched while winking at Bean.

"Dammit, not again," said Bean.

And so Palutena, Icarus, Pit, and Pittoo awkwardly sat in the car as Bean banged the border patrol guy outside so they could enter Canada.

A FEW MINUTES LATER:

"Okay, I'm back," said Bean.

"Wait," Pit said thoughtfully. "That means...WE'RE ALMOST IN CANADA OH MY GOSH DARN GOLLY, YES!1111111" The acute angle ripped off his normal clothes to reveal that he was wearing a Mountie outfit under it.

"Wtf were you wearing that the whole time?"

"Yes. AND NOW WE'RE ALMOST THERE!1 OH MY GOODNESS LOOK THE BORDER IS RIGHT THERE!111111" And then the car passed through the Canadian-American bordello. "SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111 WE'RE THERE WE'RE THERE AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!111111111"

"Calm the fuck down, Pit."

"I can't calm the heck down, I'M IN CANADA!" Pit ripped open his Mountie jacket to reveal that he was wearing a Justin Trudeau t-shirt under it and then took out a jar of maple syrup. "I can't wait to tour Ottawa!"

"GROAN," descriped Pittoo.

MEANWHILE in Washington D.C.:

"Master Trump, I have some news for you," said this wimpy old homophobe.

"What is it, Pence?"

"Our evil plan to TAKE OVER CANADA will now go into place!"

"Wonderful! I can't wait to have control of those wimps, as LORD TRUMP, EMPEROR OF THE WORLD!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this chapter, almost much as I enjoy punching Tim in the face. You better not leave any negative reviews on this fanfic, Tim, as I'll know it's you. I have a question for everyone: who should I ship Pit with in this fanfic? Please tell me in the comments! Also, a huge thanks to MerchantAnna and GeneralDarkPit, authors of The Hot Topic Krew, the inspiration to this story! So, will Pit be able to save Canada, or will it be taken over by Trump? (cough cough the title gives it away cough) Stay tuned to find out!


	2. Attack on Cananada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pittoo is forcefully hugged.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, I can't believe how many people have read the story already! Although I've only posted it a few days ago, it already has 7 reviews on fanfiction dot net! So thank you all of my readers. Unless you're Tim, then fuck you, Tim. This chapter will have some REAL ACTION and it will be so cool and edgy that you will literally have an orgasm.

"I can't believe I'm finally in the great white north! What a beautiful place!" Pit loves Canada, if you couldn't already tell. "I'm going to do EVERYTHING here in Ottawa!" The angle twins were in a gift shop in Ottawa because Pit wanted to buy 20 more sets of Canadian-themed clothes. Right now, Pit was still wearing his Mountie costume, and Pittoo was wearing a Kill la Kill shirt because even though it's anime, at least it's edgy anime.

"And I'm not going," said Pittoo, while looking up edgy anime memes on his phone.

"Yes you are! And you're going to love it! I made a list of everything that I'm going to do in Canada!" he said, taking out a Dictionary-sized notebook. "Number 1: Masturbate in a Tim Horton's bathroom!"

"Wtf why would you even say that?!" yelled Pittoo in horror.

"Haha I'm joking!" Pit luckily said. "You need to cheer up, Splatoon! Canada is a beautiful place! Just look outside! There's so much nature everywhere that wild animals are roaming the streets!" He pointed outside at the many moose, polar bears, and beavers running around and letting people pet them. "Look, a Chespin is coming into the store!"

A wild Chespin walked into the store and said "Chespin!"

"Wait..." said Pittoo. "Oh no! Oh no no no no! Don't you dare! I know what you're trying to do! Don't you fucking dare! I've seen enough of those shitty tumblr fanfic quotes to know what you're about to do SO STOP! I fucking swear, I will shoot you! I have this gun right in my hands, and I swear to Saitama I MEAN SATAN FUCK that you'll be dead if you do this. SO STOP IT RIGHT NOW YOU FUCKING FURRY BITCH!"

Chespin took a step out the door. "Chespou-"

*BANG*

Chespin fell down dead as Pittoo lowered his gun. He regretted nothing.

"WHAT THE HECK PITTOO YOU MURDERED HIM!"

"HEY, I WARNED HIM, AND HE STILL DID IT!"

Palutena, Icarus, and Bean walked up while all wrapped in a giant Canadian scarf.

"This is a group hug scarf," explained Palutena. "You go up to someone and then wrap them in this for a group hug! That way they can't get away!"

"Do you two want to join our group hug?" asked Icarus.

"Yeah!" yelled Pit.

"Fuck no!" yelled Pittoo.

They didn't listen to Dark Pit and wrapped them both in the scarf.

"AH GET ME OUT!" squealed Pittoo edgily. "HISS! HISS!"

"Hey, cashier, do you want to join in our group hug?" Palutena asked the girl working at the counter.

"Sure, eh!" she exclaimed happily and joined in.

"Everyone else in the store, you can join in, too!"

"Yay!" everyone yelled and then joined in the hug.

"WTF GET ME OUT OF HERE!" whined Pittoo.

"Canada!" said Pit because Canada.

LATER:

The angle family all got on a tour bus so that they could see all the great sights in Ottawa. They saw the Notre Dame Cathedral, the Parliament building, the National Gallery of Canada, and even the Canadian White House! Pit was screaming in happiness the entire time while Pittoo put on the same noise-cancelling headphones from earlier.

"I hope I can meet Trudeau! He is my true hero, and I want to take a picture with him and get his autograph and take another picture and get another autograph and then take another another picture and then-"

Suddenly, a GIANT ROBOT tore the roof off of the bus! "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11111111111111111111111111111111111" screamed everyone.

The evul robot trapped Palutena, Icarus, and Bean in a glowing cage and then flew away before anyone could do anything.

"NOOOOOOOOOOO MOM AND DAD AND OTHER DAD!" yelled Pit and Pittoo.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH WE'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING!" screeched Pit.

"SHIT WHAT DO WE DO?!"

"I DON'T KNOW!" and then they both ran in circles screaming until they realized that there were robots everywhere.

A familiar voice rung from the robots. "People of Canada, you may now welcome your new leader, ME, DONALD TRUMP! I now have enough money that I bought the entire United States and am now their overlord. And with my new power, I have the authority (and money) to take over your country. Sit aside and let us take you over and harvest your country's resources. Also, if you're wondering about your shitty former leader, he have him in captivity. That is all for today. Goodbye, and enjoy your new lives in the United States of Trump."

"OH SHOOT TRUMP TOOK OVER CANADA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER FIRST OUR PARENTS WERE KIDNAPPED AND THEN CANADA WAS TAKEN OVER BY DONALD TRUMP!1111111 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11111111111111111111111"

Everyone ran in terror to the nearest Tim Hortons and barricaded themselves inside.

"Do you have any ideas of what to do now?" asked Pittoo.

"I know! I'LL CALL OVERWATCH!" Pit took out his phone and dialed a number. "Hello, is this Overwatch?

"No, thees is Tito Dick 'Dickman,' baby," Tito Dick replied.

"Oh, soory, wrong number," said Pit, hanging up. "I don't know Overwatch's number, and so I accidentally called Tito Dick."

"If you didn't know their number, then what did you type into the phone?"

"I don't know, I just typed in a random number and hoped it would be the right one."

"That makes literally no sense. And wait...OH FUCK YOU SAID DICK!"

"Wait, no! I WAS JUST SAYING HIS NAME I DIDN'T CURSE!"

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH MY EARS YOU CURSED AAHAHHAHHAHAAHAH!"

"I'M SO SOORY!" screamed Pit and then they both cried into each other's arms. "Oh yeah WE NEED TO SAVE TRUDEAU AND ALSO SAVE CANADA!"

"I have an idea! We can form a team to SAVE CANADA!"

"Did I hear someone wanting to form a team?" asked a voice in the distance. It was...Johnny Test?! "I can help with my AWESOME talking dog! We can do TOTALLY RADICAL things like rebelling from authority and riding on EPIC skateboards!" he yelled making whiplash noises and other sound effects everwhere.

"Never mind, Pittoo and I will go by ourselves."

"Yes, we must...GO ROUGE!" said the formerly satin-worshiping angle. "We just need to know where Trump took the Prime Minister!"

"Look, he posted something on Instagram!"

The angle opened an image of Trudeau taking a selfie while being escorted by guards. It was captioned, "Guys, I've been captured and taken to the Pentagon by Donald Trump!"

"That's it! We need to go to Washington D.C and save him!" exclaimed Pit. "And look, a ride is right there!" He pointed to a nearby moose. But it wasn't a regular moose. It was a radioactive moose that could travel at high speeds! The angle twins jumped onto its back and sped away.

They quickly got to the border, but faced trouble once they got there.

"Oh no!" exclaimed Pit. "Trump built a wall on the Canadian-American border! "Quick Pittoo, use your anime powers!"

"ONE PUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNCH!" screamed Pittoo as he punched a huge hole in Trump's wall.

Then things started going smoothly again. The moose was so fast that they got to D.C within 5 minutes.

"Look, it's the Pentagon!" pointed out Pittoo. They began to invade the Pentagon, Pittoo fighting with a katana and Pit using a hockey stick.

MEMEWHILE:

"So, Mr. Canada," said Trump trying to be tough. "Where do you have the weapons hidden."

"I don't know what you're talking about, eh?" Trudeau said with a poker face much better than Umi's in Love Live School Idol Project.

"I know you have Canadian super-weapons hidden in Ottawa, and I need to find them!"

Suddenly, an alarm went off. While Trump was distracted, Trudeau slugged him in the face and ran. "Soory aboot that, eh?" he said while running off. But he couldn't get too far before some evil agents like the ones in the Matrix came up and pointed guns at him. "You darn hosers!" exclaimed the Prime Minister.

Luckily, Pit got there just in time to knock the agents out with his hockey stick. "Justin Trudeau, IT'S REALLY YOU!" Pittoo soon got up behind them and sheathed his katana.

"Quick, we have to get out of here before Trump sends in reinforcements. I have a portal gun with me that can take me back to Ottawa, but it only works when powered by maple syrup!"

"Good thing I have some with me!" said Pit, taking out a jug. He poured the syrup into the portal gun, causing the portal to open up, and they hastily jumped through and appeared in Ottawa.

"CANADA, I MISSED YOU!" screamed Pit, kissing the ground.

"You were only gone for a fucking hour," complained Pittoo.

"Any time from Canada is a bad time, Pittoo."

"I agree," said Trudeau.

"OMGOSH I CAN'T BELIEVE IT'S REALLY YOU! I'M YOUR BIGGEST FAN!"

"Why, thank you for saving me, eh! I am so gratified to the two of you! What are your names?"

"I'm Pit, and I love Canada more than anything! This is my edgy weeb brother Pittoo!"

"Konichiwa, I mean 'sup," Pittoo edged weebily.

"How would you two like to help me...SAVE CANADA!"

"OH MY MACDONALD, YES! I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR CANADA!"

Someone walked out of the nearby Tim Hortons, and it was Lucas from Pokemon Diamond and Pearl. "Look, Trudeau is safe!"

A group of Canadians walked in from fighting the robots with axes, hockey sticks, and shotguns. "Hoor-eh!" they exclaimed (AN: GEDDIT!).

All of the Canadians went into the restaurant with the angles and the PM and had a party.

"We're so glad you're safe, Mr. Prime Minister!" said a Canadian girl.

"Why, I couldn't have gotten out if it wasn't for these two angles!" he said, patting Pit and Pittoo on the back.

"OH MY GOSH TRUDEAU JUST TOUCHED ME!1" exclaimed Pit happily.

Suddenly, a man with a gun kicked down the door!

"Prime Minister Trudeau, I'm CIA!" he said, pointing a gun at him.

Then a bulky masketta man walked into the room! "I'm crashing this party...with no survivors!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GASP! Who is this mysterious masketta man? AND WILL THEY MAKE IT OUT ALIVE? Find out next time! I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter, and please tell me what you thought in the comments!


	3. Defenders of Cananada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pit has a monologue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! It has been a couple weeks since my last chapter, but I hope you'll enjoy this one! I asked previously who you guys thought I should ship Pit with, and most of you thought that he didn't need to be shipped with anyone in this story. I agree, so I won't ship him with anyone but Canada. Also, after checking the tags of a lot of fanfiction on AO3 about Trudeau, I saw that the person most commonly shipped with him was Macron (and by a large margin), while a good number of people shipped him with Obama. But I think I'll refrain from shipping Trudeau with anyone, considering that he does have a wife in real life. I ship Tim with my fist (ew, not like that).

And so CIA and Bane had Pit, Pittoo, and PM Trudeau held hostage inside a Tim Hortons.

"Alright, I have orders from Overlord Trump to execute the three of you," said Bill Wilson. Sadly, getting caught was not part of the trio's plan, and so they had no idea how to get out of this situation.

"Wait..." said Pit. "But if he kills us, then we won't be able to save Canada!" As you know, Pit is a weeb for Canada. (AN: What are weeaboos for Canada called? I know weebs of America are called freeaboos, so what is someone obsessed with Canada called?)

"Obviously, baka!" whispered Pittoo edgily. "I know, I'll distract him. Hey, Bane! I have a question! If I pull that off, will you die?

"It would be ex-, hey wait a minute! Haven't I said this before?" questioned Bane.

"You have said it," explained CIA while in his signature pose. "A lot."

"Well, then I guess we should finish them off." Bane was wearing a Breaking Bad t-shirt that he changed so it said Breaking Bat.

"You're a big guy!" exclaimed Trudeau.

"For y- DAMMIT! That's it, this edgy one will be broken first!" The mosquito man picked up Pittoo and put him on his knee.

"AAAAAHHHHH DON'T KILL ME! I HAVEN'T FINISHED ALL OF MY ANIME SERIES YET! Can I at least have one last phone call to one of my weeb friends so that they can tell me what happens at the end?"

"That only seems fair," said CIA. "Use my phone."

Pittoo took out the phone and typed in the number of a friend of his.

_"Konichiwa?"_

"LANA, THIS IS PITTOO! HELP ME I'VE BEEN KIDNAPPED BY BANE AND BILL WILSON IN A TIM HORTONS IN OTTAWA SAVE US!"

_"I'll be on my way!"_

"Hey, wait a minute!" said Bane. "He wasn't calling about anime, he was calling for help! Let's kill them!"

Suddenly, a portal opened up, and Lana jumped out. She used her staff to make a tree pop out of the ground and kill Bane and CIA (not Cia).

"Konichiwa, Pittoo and Pit!"

"Hey, Lana!" said Pit. "Wait, are you two friends?"

"Friends? We're BEST FRIENDS!"

"WTF NO WE AREN'T!" Pittoo spat out frantically.

"Yeah we are! We formed the Smashville Anime Fanclub together!"

Pittoo was really embarrassed, so he edged on over to the corner and started to growl.

"So why were you guys being attacked by Bane?" asked Lana.

"Trump decided to take over Canada, the great white north, the world's greatest country, the most beautiful place in the world, O Canada, our home and sacred land, true patriot love in all thy sons command, oh yeah I was telling you about what happened, so ANYWAY we've teamed up with the Prime Minister to save it! But then Bane and CIA attacked us, and then you saved us."

"I'm glad you two are safe! I don't know what I'd do without my tomodachi!" said Lana, giving Pittoo a hug as he screamed. "But why do you like Canada so much? It's so UNKAWAII!"

"Why do I like Canada? It's because Canada is truly the greatest place on earth!" Some background music came on so that everyone knew that Pit was about to start a monologue. "Canada! The TRUE land of the free and the home of the brave! Canada represents everything great about this world! Honesty, Bravery, Courtesy, Poutine, Canada is perfect in every way. CANADAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!" He said while kissing the ground. "You are more beautiful than anything EVER TO EVER EXIST IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD! God save the queen! God save Trudeau! God save CANADA! Canada was founded in the year of 1867, and since then it has risen to become the greatest country EVER! It is so beautiful, every one of it's provinces and territories; Alberta, British Columbia, Manitoba, New Brunswick, Newfoundland and Labrador, Nova Scotia, Ontario, Prince Edward Island, Quebec, Saskatchewan, Northwest Territories, Yukon, and Nunavut, all of them are perfect. And the queen, I would do anything for her! If the great Queen Elizabeth II asked me to cut off my arm, I would gladly do it. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN! And its many wonderful Prime Ministers, including my beloved Justin Trudeau and his father, Pierre Trudeau. I WOULD DIE FOR YOU CANADA! I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO PROTECT YOU! OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111"

"Okay then," said Lana.

"Hey, would you like to help us SAVE CANADA?!"

"Sugoi! I'd love to! Also, I brought reinforcements to help!"

Another portal opened up, and out jumped Linkle, King Dedede, Papyrus, and Captain Falcon!

"Hey, Lana!" said Linkle. "Cool, Pit, Pittoo, and the Prime Minister are here!" Suddenly, dozens of chickens flew out of the portal. "I brought a few of my friends with me for some help!"

"Konichiwa, Linkle!" Linkle is a friend of Lana's, as well as being another member of the anime fanclub (she's less of a weeb, though). She's obsessed with chickens and can't go ten feet without getting lost.

"GREETINGS, CANADIANS! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HOPE TO ASSIST YOU IN DEFEATING THE EVIL PRESIDENT!" Papyrus is a spoopy skeleton from this one game that everyone hates for some reason. He likes spaghetti and also I'm pretty sure he's gay. I have a plush of him in my room that I like to cuddle at night (don't judge me).

"Ima clobber dat dere Donald Trump!" King Dedede is a penguin with a southern accent for some reason (is it because Penguins live on the South Pole?). Anyway, he likes to clobber things and is kind of weird.

"Falcon...SAVE CANADA!" Captain Falcon is this weird hammy dude that likes to refer to himself in third-person and punches things a lot. He's also manly and has a nice butt.

"Wow, we have so many people that love Canada, too!" said Pit happily. "Hopefully we can appease our almighty god, Canada himself!"

"I think I'll help you guys, too," said Lucas from Pokémon Diamond and Pearl (AN: Remember him in the last chapter? I got the idea for having him be Canadian from GeneralDarkPit). Lucas was Canadian and everyone thinks he's gay because of his fashion choices, but he's not really. Also, don't mistake him for that other Lucas.

Luigi frantically ran into the room, breathing heavily.

"Luigi, you're safe!" exclaimed Pit.

"But-a only barely! I was-a eating some-a spaghetti in an Italiano restaurant when-a the attack-a happened, and I was-a stuck inside-a! I-a eventually escaped-a and-a that's how I got-a here!"

"WAIT," said Papyrus. "YOU LIKE SPAGHETTI, TOO?"

"Why-a yes! I-a love-a spaghetti!" Luigi looked at Papyrus in the eyes. He was the most beautiful spoopy skerlaton he'd ever seen.

Suddenly, (AN: Why do I use suddenly so often?) some other Canadians came out including Ike from Fire Emblem, the Ice Climbers Nana and Popo, Bear Hugger from Punch Out, and Polar Knight from Shovel Knight.

"I'm here to fight for my country," said Ike. Ike wasn't actually originally Canadian, until one day he joined Pit's Canadian fanclub because he felt bad that no one else joined. But then he realized that he actually likes Canada, and so he and his husband Soren moved to the Great White North to become lumberjacks.

"The two of us will help!" said the Ice Climbers. Nana and Popo are Eskimos that are either siblings, lovers, or both. Hopefully not the latter. They like eggplants and have worn their hood things so long that they literally molded to their skin and they can't take them off. That's why they always wear them, even in warm weather.

"I LOVE Canada, and I sure as hell will stop any hoser that threatens it, eh?" said Bear Hugger. He is a lumberjack/boxer that was trained by a bear and is super manly.

"I'll help you, since you'll definitely need all the help you can get," stated Polar Knight. He is a very stoic Viking that wields a shovel and has ice powers. Vikings are really from Scandinavia, but it's okay for one to be in Canada because they actually sailed there way back when.

"This is wonderful!" exclaimed Trudeau. "So many people love this country, and some of you aren't even Canadian, eh? Thank all of you!"

"I guess that means that we can start our own Canadian themed team!"

"Pit, how aboot you have the honour of choosing a name!"

"Our team will now be known as...THE DEFENDERS OF CANADA!" yelled Pit enthusiastically. "Everyone, yell out your names like we do in all of the other fanfics with teams in them!"

Everyone posed like in the HTK but more Canadian, and they began.

"Pit!"

"Pittoo!"

"Lana!"

"Linkle!"

"Luigi!"

"Ike!"

"King Dedede!"

"PAPYRUS!"

"Lucas!"

"Nana!"

"Popo!"

"Bear Hugger!"

"Polar Knight!"

"And finally, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau!"

" _A Mari Usque Ad Mare!_ DEFENDERS OF CANADA!" screamed Pit, "IT'S TIME FOR OUR WONDERFUL NATIONAL ANTHEM!"

And so Pit, Linkle, Luigi, Ike, Dedede, Papyrus, Lucas, the Ice Climbers, Bear Hugger, and Polar Knight all sang O Canada as the other people in Tim Hortons joined in and Pittoo and Lana watched in horror.

"O Canada!  
Our home and native land!  
True patriot love in all thy sons command.  
With glowing hearts we see thee rise,  
The True North strong and free!  
From far and wide,  
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.  
God keep our land glorious and free!  
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.  
O Canada, we stand on guard for thee."

Everyone then cheered because it was a very beautiful rendition a beautiful song.

"Wait!" said Pit. "We need a team uniform!" Luckily, he somehow had enough extra Mountie uniforms with him for everyone to wear. And so all of the team members had on Mountie uniforms.

"Trudeau, will you be the team's leader?" asked the little angle (AN: or should I say acute angle, GEDDIT!?).

"Actually, I think you should be our leader!"

"What?! Really?!"

"I sense much strength in you! I think that you'd make a great leader!"

"THANK YOU SO MUCH!" Pit jumped in and gave the PM a big hug.

"Why, it's nothing! How aboot we make this into a group hug, eh?" and so everyone else joined in on the hug, even Pittoo.

Soon they will face their first challenge as a team: taking back Ottawa, the capital!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's see what our new team's plan is in the next chapter! Also, if you have any ideas or suggestions for the story please tell me in the comments! And does anyone know what a weeb for Canada is called! Anyway, hopefully I'll see you soon!


	4. Hanging oot in Cananada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pittoo has a musical number.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings from beautiful Florida. It's been so pretty outside this weekend. Anyway, here's another chapter! Hopefully it is better than that piece of shit Tim. He's probably the one leaving mean reviews threatening my story, thanks a lot Tim. Anyway, I was going to make this chapter be about the Defenders of Canada taking back Ottawa, but instead I decided to make this chapter more about them hanging out, and the next one will involve the battle. Here it is!

"Hey, I have an idea!" exclaimed Pit. Pit is completely obsessed with the nation of Canada, and if Canada was a person, he'd fuck him but only if given consent because Pit understands that no means no. "Why don't we sing O Canada, but in French this time!"

"Yay!" said everyone.

"Fuck no," grumbled Pittoo edgily. "Why don't we sing something edgy, like the Japanese national anthem?"

"Don't be silly, Pittoo," said Pit. "Now let's sing!"

"Ô Canada!  
Terre de nos aïeux,  
Ton front est ceint de fleurons glorieux!  
Car ton bras sait porter l'épée,  
Il sait porter la croix!  
Ton histoire est une épopée  
Des plus brillants exploits.  
Et ta valeur, de foi trempée,  
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits.  
Protégera nos foyers et nos droits."

Pittoo and Lana didn't even sing with them because they're fucking weebs and they also didn't know the lyrics to O Canada in French.

"Where are all of these darned chickens coming from?" questioned Dedede.

"Oh, they're my pets!" said Linkle happily. "I own a farm with hundreds of them."

"Do you farm them for their meat?" asked Nana.

"No, I'd never hurt a chicken! These cuccoos are just for eggs and friendship! I love them more than anything! I get from chickens what I can never get from people!"

"Sexual pleasure?" joked Popo, so Nana slapped the back of his head.

"I don't know what that means but I guess so."

The Ice Climbers had kind of a Boke and Tsukkomi Routine thing going on, with Popo being the Goku and Nana being the Tsunami.

"THESE CHICKENS SEEM VERY FRIENDLY!" exclaimed Papyrus. "CAN YOU TELL ME MORE ABOUT THESE MYSTERIOUS CREATURES!"

"Sure thing! Did you know that the chicken is the closest living relative to the t-rex? That must be why they have such a strong taste for human flesh."

"WOW, THAT IS AMAZING! DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE CHICKEN FACTS?"

"Of course! I could go on for days!" She wasn't lying, she really knew enough chicken facts to talk about them for days.

"This seems like a good time for our biweekly Smashville Anime Club meeting!" Lana weebily exclaimed. Pittoo, Lana, and Linkle are the three members of the anime club. Some other people wanted to join (mostly Ganondorf) but they all thought they were too creepy and didn't let anyone else in. Linkle is less of a weeb than the other two members, and she's mostly just there because Lana is part of it.

"Yeah, it's not like we have anything important to do or anything," Pittoo sarcasmed.

Two minutes later:

"FUCK YOU, YOUR WAIFU IS SHIT!" screamed Pittoo as he flipped over the table.

"DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE INSULT MY WAIFU YOU EDGY BAKA BASTARD!" shrieked Lana.

This was too much for Linkle, so she left to use the washroom but then somehow got lost and ended up halfway across the city.

"Papyrus, I-I," Luigi started saying, "I-a drew-a you a picture!" The Italian shyly held out a picture he drew of himself in a spoopy skerlaton costume.

"THAT IS SUCH A GREAT DRAWING! IT'S SO FUNNY THAT YOU DREW THAT, AS I DREW ONE FOR YOU MYSELF!" the skerlaton held out a drawing of the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

"Gasp-a! You-a drew a picture of-a Dio!" (AN: Dio is Italian for God and also is a character from a popular anime series). "It's-a so perfect! Grazie, Papyrus!"

"NO, THANK YOU! I'M GLAD TO HAVE MADE YOU HAPPY WITH MY EXCELLENT DRAWING!" Papyrus took Luigi's hand and he blushed, before they both got on their knees (AN: ew not in that way) and worshiped their lord and savior, the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

MEMEWHILE:

Eventually Pittoo and Lana calmed down and began to reenact their favorite anime scenes together. They were currently reenacting a scene from popular edgy anime, Sailor Moon.

"Enough with this weeb shit!" yelled Captain Falcon as the two weebs gasped. "Anime is for PUSSIES except for JoJo's Bizarre Adventure!" Captain Falcon loves JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.

"The fuck did you say about anime?" said Pittoo.

"Don't you dare insult anime, you BAKA!" screamed Lana.

"I'll show you MY TRUE JAPANESE POWER!" Pittoo was really pissed now and Falcon would face his edgy wrath. "I'll sing you the edgiest song of all time, after school NAVIGATORS by μ's!" μ's is a super edgy group from Japan that is so edgy it perfectly conveys pure pain and depression and is even edgier than Linkle Park, Slipnot, and Enoby's band (AN: I forgot what it was called) combined, second only in edginess to Hatsune Miku. It's edgelord members all are filled with the gothicness and edge and they're also gay which is also edgy and shit. after school NAVIGATORS is their edgiest song that will inspire edge in the hearts of weebs around the world.

"IT'S SO KAWAII!" said Lana.

"NO IT'S NOT KAWAII IT'S EDGY STOP WITH YOUR PREPPY LIES! Now let's begin with our EDGY FUCKING EDGE SONG!"

And so they began, with them singing together. They somehow got electric guitars and had Luigi play on the drums.

"Kaeri ni chiizubaagaa mogumogu

Sore yori raamen! Tsurutsuru  
Joshi nara waffuru mofumofu  
Doushiyou doushiyou? Mayou yo ne? Hai!

Itte miru kana ikitai na  
Mayotteru nara ikou yo  
Tasuuketsu demo kimaranai  
after school, after school

Yokubari sugicha ikenai no  
Dakedo hirogaru kitai de  
Mune ga doki doki dokicchatta  
after school, after school

Amai amaku nare? Kyarameriize sarete  
Karai no wa yame toku? Chotto dake ga shigeki teki

"Demo... datte..." janaku  
Suki nara daisuki datte ii janai  
Koukai wa niaimasen

Tanoshii ne tte mainichi iitai na  
Sasayaka dakedo shiawase dayo kono shunkan ga  
Tanoshii na tte mainichi iitai ne  
Nakayoshi dakara wakachi aeru "tottemo oishii!"  
Mogumogu tomaranai ndamon  
Pakupaku okawari desho  
Gokugoku onaji taimingu  
after school, We are NAVIGATORS! Kaeri ni chiizubaagaa mogumogu

Sore yori raamen! Tsurutsuru  
Joshi nara waffuru mofumofu  
Doushiyou doushiyou? Mayou yo ne? Hai!

Itte miru kana ikitai na  
Mayotteru nara ikou yo  
Tasuuketsu demo kimaranai  
after school, after school

Yokubari sugicha ikenai no  
Dakedo hirogaru kitai de  
Mune ga doki doki dokicchatta  
after school, after school

Amai amaku nare? Kyarameriize sarete  
Karai no wa yame toku? Chotto dake ga shigeki teki

"Demo... datte..." janaku  
Suki nara daisuki datte ii janai  
Koukai wa niaimasen

Tanoshii ne tte mainichi iitai na  
Sasayaka dakedo shiawase dayo kono shunkan ga  
Tanoshii na tte mainichi iitai ne  
Nakayoshi dakara wakachi aeru "tottemo oishii!"  
Mogumogu tomaranai ndamon  
Pakupaku okawari desho  
Gokugoku onaji taimingu  
after school, We are NAVIGATORS!"

As the song finished, the weeb duo posed weebily. The song was longer, but one can only take so much edge at once. It was so edgy that everyone in Tim Hortons passed out from the edge.

Captain Falcon was now a changed man, as he loves anime and eats Japanese cereal for breakfast using the tears of his waifus as milk. He still loves Jojo the best because its FUCKING MANLY and it causes him to have so much manly chemicals like estrogen (AN: that's what its called, right?) that he has to Falcon Punch a whole in the wall to release it.

"Holy shit what the fuckin' hell just happened?" said King Dedede as his head somehow ended up stuck in the ceiling after that strange but edgy musical number, and Lucas was taped to the wall.

LATER:

"Mr. Prime Minister-senpai," said Lana. "Are you a Democrat?"

"Actually, Canada doesn't have Democrats," replied Trudeau.

Lana gasped. "Everyone in Canada is a Republican? No wonder there are so many white people here!"

Before the PM could correct her, Bear Hugger took out some pot and began smoking it.

"Isn't that illegal?" questioned Lana.

"Not in Canada, eh!" answered the boxer.

Pit was standing nearby. "Why does this marijuana smell like my parents' room?" He gasped in horror as he realized that his parents are marijuana enthusiasts. That's right, they love the weed of the dankest kind, and their band is called Icarus and the Greens for more than one reasons. They buy weed from the dank goddess Viridi herself and cook it into a variety of foods such as brownies, cookies, pancakes, baguettes, French toast, fruit cake, waffles, tiramisu, risotto, meatloaf, ice cream cake, graham crackers, squid ink spaghetti, hot sauce, tacos, croissants, cornbread, bratwurst, shepherd's pie, apple pie, pizza, crepes, and more.

But Pitty Pat couldn't focus on this horrifying realization for long, as his idol had a request for him. "Pit, I understand that you are an expert in everything Canadian, but I feel that you can become even stronger with a good teacher. I think that I should become your mentor before we save the capital!"

"Yes, sensei!" He learned that word from his weeb brother who calls all of his teachers that and brings bento boxes for lunch and one day wore a kimono to school. "It would be my honour to be your protege!"

"Alright, my young grasshopper. Let's let the training begin! Trivia challenge! What is the name of the tenth prime minister!"

"William Lyon Mackenzie King!"

"Where was he born?"

"Berlin, Ontario!"

"What is the 50th largest metropolitan area in Canada in 2016?"

"Wood Buffalo, Alberta!"

"What is the biggest mistake in Canadian history?"

"Johnny Test!"

"What year were the Toronto Maple Leafs founded?"

"1917!"

"Now, recite the first paragraph of the Wikipedia page for Canada by memory!"

" **Canada** (/ˈkænədə/; French: [kanadɑ]) is a country in the northern part of North America. Its ten provinces and three territories extend from the Atlantic to the Pacific and northward into the Arctic Ocean, covering 9.98 million square kilometres (3.85 million square miles), making it the world's second-largest country by total area and the fourth-largest country by land area. Canada's southern border with the United Statesis the world's longest bi-national land border. The majority of the country has a cold or severely cold winter climate, but southerly areas are warm in summer. Canada is sparsely populated, the majority of its land territory being dominated by forest and tundra and the Rocky Mountains. It is highly urbanizedwith 82 per cent of the 35.15 million people concentrated in large and medium-sized cities, many near the southern border. Its capital is Ottawa, and its largest metropolitan areas are Toronto, Montreal and Vancouver."

"Wow, you have passed the test with a perfect score, young grasshopper! I am so proud of you! Honestly, I was joking when asking you those random facts, but you have already surpassed my already high expectations! You, sir, are a true Canadian! I was going to wait to give this, but this is as good of a time as any, eh?" The PM pulled out a certificate.

"What is this beautiful Canadian sheet of paper?"

"This is your Canadian citizenship certificate! You are now officially a citizen of Canada!"

Pit screeched out in joy like a huge, majestic puffin. "AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH I CAN'T BELIEVE IT I'M A REAL CANADIAN!1"

Trudeau shook the angles hand. "You were always a Canadian on the inside!"

"Pittoo, I'm a real Canadian now! Come, it's time for us to celebrate with BROTHERLY BONDING TIME!"

"No," said Pittoo but in Japanese and Pit didn't understand it so he dragged him outside but they forgot that evil robots invaded the city and they quickly ran inside to evade death.

LATER: (the team sure is getting a lot of progress in saving Canada this chapter, eh?)

Eventually everyone realized that Linkle was missing, and so they sent Ike and Polar Knight to search for her.

"We found her," said Ike as he walked back into Tim Hortons. "She somehow walked two miles away looking for the washroom."

"I thought it was weird that they put it so far away," said Linkle. "Anyways, thanks for the help, guys!"

"No problem," said Ike.

"Yah," said Polar Knight because he's Swedish or Norwegian or Danish or something. He's really stern and doesn't say much.

"Now that everyone's back," said Trudeau, "we can finally head oot and take back Ottawa!"

"Yay!" said everyone because they spent an entire chapter doing nothing productive.

Meanwhile:

Trump and his VP Pence were looking for someone to send to Canada to stop the rebellion, and who better could they choose than Cloud Angelos. Cloud was the biggest asshole in the world, being a super homophobic asshole. And he's so white you could call him Cloud Anglo (AN: GEDDIT!). His rich whiteness and homophobia are perfect for Trump and Penicillin.

"I'm so glad to join you here today, Overlord Trump," said the blond angle.

"So, Angelos, what will you be able to bring to our table," asked Trump.

"I hate gays more than even Sara Osborne and will be a perfect tool in eliminating the ones in Ottawa. I actually know those *BEEP* (AN: I had to censor out that word because it was too offensive) and will happily take them down with my many skills."

Pence began clapping and cheering because he hates gays as well.

"You seem like a perfect fit, so you're hired (AN: GEDDIT INSTEAD OF YOU'RE FIRED!)," said Trumpet.

Suddenly, a random meteor fell from the sky and landed on Cloud, killing him. Trump and Pence both screamed, the latter crying in fear and wetting his pants.

"I guess we need someone new to fight the rebels. Although, I do have what seems like the Chinese bootleg version of Cloud.

"Hey im Cluod Angle and im the strongest fiter in the word! i can do ANYTHING and im defanitely not gay and im not a ripof of Dark yagami either and i-"

Trump shot Cloud in the head as Pence ran away screaming and wetting his pants again. At least Trump did something good for once.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay NOW the next chapter will be about them taking back the capital. Expect an appearance from a truly evil character, as well as many memes and stuff. Hopefully Tim forgets that a hurricane is happening and goes outside and gets struck by lightning.


	5. Cananada's Capital

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pit has a strange dream involving a popular Canadian eating establishment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeeeeeeeeeyyyyy guyyyyys! Sorry that it's been a while since the last chapter! But with some more important news, THE FINAL CHAPTAR OF THE HOT TOPIC KREW HAS BEEN POSTED! That's right! Not only that, but it has a perfect appearance from our favorite vegetable! Be sure to check that chaptar out before reading this, as it is WAAAAAAAY better. I know that quite a few things in this story don't line up with the HTK canon, but just think of this as an AU of it. I wish I was in an AU of my life where Tim didn't exist. Now, let's see how the defendenders of Kananda are doing with their battle!

If you remember from last chapter, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IMPORTANT HAPPENED so it was all filler. Now Pit and the gang are preparing for the non-filler stuff!

"Okay, team!" exclaimed Pit. "We all have one thing in common! Our love for the motherland! So we must protect the motherland by FIGHTING BACK AGAINST TRUMP!" As it is probably obvious by now, Pit is in love with everything about Canada and wants to marry Canada, settling down and having some kids together.

"YEAH!" everyone everyoned.

"ATTACK!" said he as everyone got out their weapons and began to run out of Tim Hortons (AN: wait it's called TIM hortons I can't like it anymore) before Pit tripped on a random beaver in the middle of the road and was knocked out.

* * *

DREAM TIME:

One day at the food eating place, Pit and his mentor Justin Trudeau were about to start the food eating. Pit wore a hockey jacket as Trudeau wore a Canadian flag shirt because they both love the great country of Cananada. They held on to their hockey sticks, the Engel politely ignoring the crazy American rednecks that flicked them off.

"Damn commies," said Impa, waving her Rebel flag at the duo.

Justin Trudeau couldn't help but be polite and nod his head towards the woman as he took a sip of his beloved maple syrup and patting the back of his protÃ©gÃ©. They always went to the food eating place to go to the yummiest food place of them all, Tim Hortons. It was a paradise for the Kanandians who all love to eat donuts and drink cofefe.

However, today it was replaced by a sloppier, more AMERICAN Tim Hortons that served BIG MACS, GREASY FRENCH FRIES AND CONFEDERATE FLAG THEMED EGG MCMUFFINS! Pit gasped as Trudeau dropped his maple syrup, sadly wasting a perfectly good bottle of the drink of the gods, getting down on his knees (AN: EW NOT LIKE THAT) and praying to his father that this is just a dream (AN: I mean, it is, so I guess his wish came true). Trudeau Pierred (AN: GEDDIT!?) inside, seeing rednecks such as Rosalina, Peppy Hare, Komasan, Mr. Resetti, and even Cranky Kong were eating the diabetes filled food inside.

A dude who looked like he was dressed as Jed Clampett hollered inside. He wore a confederate jacket, a coon-skin cap, a shotgun, hunting boots, and camoflogeue. His bag was full of Bibles and crosses to cast out the evil homosexual spirits as Pit gasped in shock.

"Gosh dang it, that hoser is Olimar." said Pit.

"Oh no, he's a slaveowner and part of the Ku kux Kran! And what did they do to the beautiful eating establishment, eh?! They ruined it by turning it into a McDonalds!"

"I know, where will we get our donuts and cofefe now?

Another person walked by the muy restaurante but froze in the fears. They quickly made their way to the food ordering place, where they served NO DONUTS!1111222432414

"How dARE THEY RUIN THE FOOD EATING STORE PLACE WITH THE LACK OF DONUTS!" screamched the finger. It was a short, young girl in a hood thingie like a parka because it was one, and was one of the five people from Nunavut. She eh-d like a Canadian seal, wanting to give a lecture to whoever did this.

Bear Hugger cried as he could no longer drink cofefe on his way to his work at the lumberjack. "HOW DARE THEY TAKE MY SQUIREL FRIEND AWAY FROM ME!?"

King Dedede came onto the red and white side after being banished from antactaca as Ike was just always Canadian. AS they saw the serving place for food be turned into another Americana fast food chain, they were screaming.

"WHO RUINED TIM HORTONS, EH?!" they ALL SCREAMED AT once.

Little did the Cananadians know that a evil cheeto was behind this abominamation.

Pit had an idea, gathering the gay Canadians. "We must fight against the hoser Trump and his American minions as we are...THE TIM HORTONS CREW!"

* * *

Okay, the dream's over now.

Pit woke from the dream in a cold sweat as Trudeau and Pittoo were sitting over him. "Pit-stain, are you okay?" asked Pittoo.

"You've been out for half an hour, and we had to bring you back to Tim Hortons," said the PM.

"I had the most nightmarish nightmare! I was in a horrible fanfiction!"

"But you are in a horrible fanfiction," answered the edgy angle.

"Oh, yeah. Anyways, now that that pointless dream sequence is over, we can REALLY SAVE CANADA NOW!"

"Yay!" said everyone.

And so they ran out of Tim Hortons, ready to face the evil robobots attacking Ottawa. There were hundreds of Trump bots everywhere patrolling the streets.

"PEOPLE OF CANADA!" screamed Pit. "JUSTIN TRUDEAU HAS BEEN RESCUED FROM TRUMP! IT IS NOW TIME FOR US TO TAKE BACK THIS BEAUTIFUL CITY!"

And so every person in the city ran out of the Tim Hortons they were inside, ready to FIGHT BACK!

The Defenders of Canada were wearing their signature Mountie outfits and started to FIGHT BACK!

They also had help from many of Linkle's Cuccooo friends. Linkle manlyily put on her sunglasses. "I'm all about kicking butt and petting cute chickens, but my chickens are too busy for me to pet right now, so I guess I'll have to kick your butts instead!" But suddenly, a robot stepped one of her chickens! "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!111111111111111111111111111111111111111" she screamed in horror. She was really pissed now. "DIE NAZI SCUM!" exclaimed Linkle as she blew up the Trump robots with her machine gun crossbows.

Trudeau knew exactly what he needed to defeat the robot army. The Prime Minister sexily ripped off his shirt, exposing his muscular form as Pittoo watched in confusion, reenacting a popular scene from Kill la Kill.

Flipping his sexy Liberace hair caused the robots to explode, and then he used his kickboxing powers to beat up the other robots.

Bear Hugger punched the robots like how he punches down trees, and Captain Falcon used his signature FALCON PAUNCH! Bear Hugger rode on the back of his best bear friend and mauling the robots. "You damn hoser!" Bear Hugger was tough so he could curse unlike Pit in this story. "Falcon and Ike, I need some help!"

Ike's sword was the same but it had an axe thing attached to it to make it also an axe. "I fight for my friends, eh!" The manly dude, almost as manly as Captain Falcon, sliced the ground in half and caused the ground Captain Falcon was on to rise into the air. This gave the Falcony dude the upper ground. "Alright, Trump robots! Prepare to taste Falcon's JUSTICE and JOJO'S BIZZARE ADVENTURE! FALCON PAUNCH!" Falcon blew up the robos and saved Bear Hugger, with help from Eisenhower.

Meanwhile:

Although the Ice Climbers argued a lot, they make a great team, smashing robots in sync with their hammers.

"Hey Nana! It's-"

"No, you fucking idiot. You literally say this every time we use our hammers, and frankly, I'm sick of this shit."

"It's ham-!" He was unable to finish as Nana hit him with a fan to snap him out of it.

Luigi and Papyru were fighting together because Papyrus wanted Luigi's Italian sausage and meatballs and Luigi wanted Papyrus's lightsaber.

"YOU DASTARDLY ROBOTS SHALL BE EASILY DEFEATED BY US, CORRECT LUIGI?"

"I-a don't-a know! There are-a so many of-a them! I feel so-a scared!"

"I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT! I BELIEVE IN YOU, LUIGI!"

The green Italian gasped. "You-a believe in me?"

"OF COURSE I BELIEVE IN YOU! YOU ARE SO COOL AND GREAT, JUST LIKE ME!"

"Grazie, Papyrus! If-a you believe in-a me, I know-a I can-a do it! Let's a go!" And so the two spaghetti lovers fought against the robobots, Luigi using his dead meme stare and lightning, and Papaya shooting bones at them.

By that one church with the hunchback Disney guy, there is a GIANT SPIDER MECHA and so King Dedede was riding on it. "Wee doggies, Ima destroy these darned Trump robots!" Suddenly, the maple leaf tulips planted throughout the city came to life and started to attack the robots! For Canada's 150th anniversary, Netherlands gave them some special maple leaf tulips because they're, like, totes besties, but they secretly can all combine together into a giant tulip kaiju to fight Donald Trump!

Polar Knight also used his special IKEA powers to shoot inexpensive and easy to assemble furniture from catapults at the Trump-bots. He also had his shovel with him so that when he lets the bodies hit the floor, he has an easy way to dispose of them. "..." he said because he's stoic and is from Sweden or Norway or Finland or Denmark or Iceland or some shit. He hopes to combine them together into one country called SweDenFinNorIcelandland, in which Pewdiepie will be dictator and also the president of IKEA.

Lucas was also beating up the Trumpy bots. He had the best fashion out of everyone in the world, and so he used his beret like Mario's hat in that new game that's coming out. He also had his PokÃ©mon, such as Empoleon, Infernape, and Torterra with him. They shared his sense of style, wearing things like jackets wrapped around their necks, designer boots, and pink sunglasses.

"Lana...do you have a leek?" asked Pittoo.

"What do you think I am, a baka? OF COURSE I have a leek!" and so Lana threw him a leek and they both sang the Ievan Polkka by Hamsun Mica the Nendoroid while dancing and beating robots with the leeks.

Memewhile Pit and Trudeau continued to fight using their Canadian powers. "It is now time for...OUR SPECIAL ATTACK!" yelled Pit.

They both knew exactly what to do for this attack. "Ice Climbers, do your thing!" said Trudeau, as the Inuit duo threw many freezies on the ground, causing it to be coated in slippery ice. The Prime Minister then kicked dozens of robots onto the ice at once because he's just that strong. And finally, Pit finished them off by curling a giant curler onto them, smashing them.

Because every citizen in Ottawa teamed up to fight the robots, the evil bad guys were defeated before long.

Back in the USSR I mean USA:

Palutena, Icarus, and Bean were imprisoned in prison, but they had no idea why. The guard told them that Trump is now the dictator of America and Canada, but he said nothing about why they were specifically arrested. "Hey, guard," said Icarus doing his hypnotic Icarus dance. "WHY ARE WE EVEN IN HERE-ICUS!?"

"I have orders from the boss," said the evil dude, who was part of the mafia. "And why do you keep saying 'icus' at the end of random words?"

"Wait, FUCK!" he exclaimed in anger.

"It's okay, Icarus," said Palutena. "I don't care if you say it."

"Yeah, who gives a shit what people like this moron think," said Bean. "Now we better think of a way to get out of this fucking jail. Maybe if I'm loud enough I could break us out."

"Yeah but you'd destroy our earbuds in the process," replied the angle.

"I have an idea!" Palutena exclaimed. "What if we all do the Icarus dance, which will cause us to faze through the walls!"

"That's the BEST IDEA EVER!111" screamed everyone, and so they began to do the Icarus dance.

"Do the Icarus! Swing your arms from side to side! Come on, it's time to go! Do the Icarus!" The dance somehow succeeded and caused them to faze through the wall. Before the guard could respond, they punched him to the ground and tied them up.

"Okay, we can do this the easy way or the hard way," said Palutena toughly as she did the Knife game and Cinnamon challenge at the same time. "Easy way: you tell us why Trump arrested us and we'll let you go. Hard way: Bean blasts your brains out while Icarus and I look up dank memes."

"OKAY I'LL TELL YOU!" he said in terror. "The reason why Overlord Trump arrested you was because he thought your music sucks!"

"Wait, that's why?" questioned Bean. "That's fucking why he arrested us, BECAUSE HE THOUGHT OUR MUSIC SUCKED!"

"I don't get it either, but we better get back to Canada to help Pit and Pittoo," said Icarus.

And so they left the prison. Before they left, they switched out their prison clothes. Palutena took the mafia guy's clothes, and so she wore a fedora and a pinstripe suit, holding a cigar and machine gun. Icarus was dressed like Bob Ross and Bean was dressed as Maximilien Robespierre.

BACK IN THE CANANANADA:

"Okay, everyone," said Trudeau after gathering back up the Defenders of Canada. The next part of the plan is important! One of the reasons why Trump has such advanced technology is because he stole it from us! Since he uses our technology, we'll be able to hack into it, but only if we can get into the Parliament building."

"It's a piece of pancake with maple syrup!" cheered Pit. "Hopefully this chapter doesn't end on a cliffhanger, right Pittoo? What do you think the worst ending to this chapter would be?"

"I dunno, maybe if a JoJo 'to be continued' arrow appeared on the screen just as something bad happened. But now that I said this it is obviously about to happen, thanks a lot Pit-stain. Listen, I can already hear the guitar riff playing."

Suddenly Johnny Test whiplashed out of nowhere and punched Pittoo in the face as a JoJo arrow appeared on the screen that said "To Be Continued" as the chapter ends.


	6. True Evil of Cananada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pit goes to space and Pittoo wants Japan's katana if you know what I mean GEDDIT!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy (belated) Canadian Thanksgiving! I don't have much to say for this AN, except I HOPE TIM HAS A SHITTY THANKSGIVING!1

At the end of last chapter, Pittoo was punched in the face by the notorious Johnny Test. But why did the blond bastard do so?

"WHAT THE FUCK WHY DID YOU PUNCH ME IN THE FACE YOU BAKA!" screamed Pittoo "Edgelord" Leveindolonotis as he got a nosebleed, but not in a sexual way because that's weird. He was also pissed at the meme ending of the previous chapter.

"It's because," said Test, "I work for Trump!"

Trudeau was horrified by this teenager. "Johnny Test is a pure evil sociopath, and undoubtedly the worst Canadian of all time."

Everyone gasped in fear. "B-but-" stammered Lana, "E-even worse than-?"

"Yes, he is even worse than Bieber."

Everyone screamed in terror.

Johnny Test is a being of pure evil. He was the forbidden lovechild of Adolf Hitler and Eva Braun. After his parents committed suicide when he was still very young, he was sent to the future in a time machine, where he was adopted by the Test family in Canada. But he always showed sociopathic tendencies, and when he was a teenager, he snapped and murdered his entire family, including his parents, his two sisters, his next door neighbor Gil, and nuked his entire city to kill everyone else. He even killed his talking dog Dukey and made him into a coat.

Not only did he destroy his town, but he also caused many other atrocities, such as sinking the Titanic to make a shitty movie about it under the name James Cameron, and he also killed JFK and blew up the Hindenburg and used his powers to cause Hurricane Irma.

"I can't believe someone that evil is from Canada," said Pit sadly. As you know, Pit is an angle with an extreme fetish for Canada that has completely taken over his life. "At least he wasn't originally from Canada."

"Dudes, what are you waiting for?" Said Johnny. "Come on and fight me already! I know it'll be EPIC!"

"This seems suspicious," whispered Ike, who Polar Knight calls Ikea.

"I agree," Linkle replied. "We need a sneak attack!" Linkle took out her crossbows. "SNEAK ATTACK!" she screamed as she ran towards Test from behind. He kicked her and easily sent her flying into the sky.

"NOOOOOOOO, LINKLE! Why did you have to die like this?!" yelled Lana. She was so sad that she had a flashback to earlier that day.

* * *

"Ohayo, Linkle-chan-san-kun-senpai!" weebed Lana.

"Hi, Lana! Cluck cluck!"

"Oh my Goku, that chicken is so KAWAII DESU!

"Oh, this rooster? This is one of my pet roosters! I named him Cluck Berry."

"Can I pet him?"

"Sure!" exclaimed Linkle. " You can pet my cock as much as you want!"

"WTF LINKLE?!'!?111111111111" screamed Lana in horror as Pittoo fell out of his chair and started choking on his katsudon.

* * *

"I can't believe that's the last thing we said to each other!" cried Lana.

"We must get Raveng on that baka motherfucker!" said Pittoo edgily.

Lana was really pissed. "TIME FOR RAVENG!"

The evil dude Johnny Twat smiled. "Do any of you like anime? I hate anime, the only one that doesn't suck is Sword Art Online."

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!11111111111111111" the weeb duo screamed before charging towards Teat, only to get launched into the nearest building by a single kick. They crashed into EB Games, narrowly missing knocking into Copy That.

"He's way too strong!" said Pit. "We need a better strategy!"

"How about we all Falcon attack them at once?"

Ike thought for a second. "That may not be an elaborate plan, but it's the best we have. Let's try it."

And so everyone charged at Test at once, only for him to punch the ground, launching everyone back.

"Do you really think that you can defeat me?" asked the dickish Johnny. "I have the power of SATAN CLAUS on my side!"

Everyone gasped. "Anything but that!" exclaimed Minecraft Lego Knight. He is usually stoic, but Satan Claus terrifies him.

But Pit knew what to do. "There is only one possible plan left! Trudeau, do your thing!"

"Viva la Canada!" said Trudeau, ripping off his shirt. Putting on his sexy face and pouring water all over his hair, he knew that his charm would defeat Test. But...nothing happened!

"That's impossible, my charm powers work on everyone!"

"It doesn't work on me because I'm pure evil! Anyway, I'm off to blow up Big Ben I mean the Peace Tower!"

"NOOOOOOOOOO!1" shrieked Pit like the mighty puffin that he is. "He's going to destroy the Parliament building's Peace Tower, the greatest monument known to man!"

"You disgust me," said Trudeau to Johnny boy.

"Whatevs, old dude. Adults are SO annoying, I'll be glad to kill you and the rest of this discount Washington DC with this nuke."

That's right! Johnny Test is going to blow up all of Ottawa, including the Canadian White House, the Canadian Capital Building, the Canadian Congress, the Canadian House of Representatives, the Canadian Smithsonian, the Canadian Washington Monument, the Canadian Lincoln Memorial, the Canadian Jefferson Memorial, the Canadian National Mall, the Canadian Vietnam Veterans Memorial, the Canadian Martin Luther King Jr. Memorial, the Canadian FDR Memorial, the Canadian Arlington National Cemetery, the Canadian Pentagon, the Canadian Reflecting Pool, and even EB Games!

Lana was shocked after readin the narration. "But if EB Games is destroyed, then who will buy Onee-chan Call of Hot Topic: Advanced Edge?!" she said, referencing that one fanfic.

But as they were too busy reading that overly long earlier paragraph, Test got all the way to discount Big Ben! He was going to dab it so hard that it would become the Leaning Tower of Peace-a.

"How will we make it there it time?!" questioned Dedede.

"I brought something that might help," said Bear Hugger, who was riding in a giant bobsled.

Luigi looked nervous. "Mama mia, are you sure that's safe?"

"I THINK IT WILL BE FUN! LET'S GO, LUIGI!" Papyrus yelled enthusiastically.

And so the Ice Climbers iced up the ground, allowing everyone to ride in the bobsled. They got to the tower in a minute, but Jonhhny was standing at the very top.

"I know how to get up there," said Pit. Captain Falcon just needs to Falcon Punch me all the way up there!"

"But in order for Falcon to punch you to such great heights," said Lucas, "there is no way for you to survive it!"

"Not with the POWER OF CANADA!" Pit did a transformation sequence and was suddenly wearing a hockey uniform.

Now that Pit was wearing protection (AN: Not like that, you sicko!), El Capitan was ready to punch him. "Falcon...PAUNCH!111"

Pit was Falcon punched so far that he was Falcon launched into space as Shooting Stars began to play. He even met the Little Einsteins, who were listening to one of their favorite classical music pieces, Ride of the Valkyries by Hitler. They helped the angle by using their tractor Bean to launch him right onto the One Piece Tower.

"Looks like you made it, made it to DIE!"

"I have made it, but not to die! I made it to SAVE CANANANANANANADA!"

"Why would you want to save this country, it sucks dick. But so does every other country. I'm only working for Trump because it gives me more opportunities to kill people."

"That's it, let's fight, and I'll show you Canada's power!"

An epic fight began, with Pit using a hockey stick as a sword. It was a super cool ninja fight on the top of Big Ben, it was so cool that I can't even describe it in words (you had to be there). During the fight, the rest of the Defenders of Canada cheered him on from the ground.

But with a well-timed backflip, Test landed on the very top of the tower.

"It's over, Pit!" gloated Johnny. "I have the high ground!"

"You underestimate my power," replied Pit. "That and the power of my team!" The Nazi felt an arrow shoot into the back of his head. And it was...Linkle!

She was being carried by a bunch of chicky chickens. "You may have thought that you killed me, but my chickens saved the day!"

"Whoa, didn't see that coming!" yelled Test as he fell from the tower, crashing into the ground. "Damn you, Vagina Link!

Pit and Linkle made it back down with some cuccoos, being congratulated by their friends.

Lana ran over to the chicken lover for a hug. "Linkle, I'm so glad you're alive!"

"It'll take more than that to kill me, I refuse to be killed by anything but my own chickens. When I am elderly and near death, I will have my cuccoos attack me and eat me alive."

"Wait," said Pittoo. "Is he really dead?"

Test jumped out of the ground and pulled out a knife, grabbing on to the edgelord.

"I think he's still alive," said Linkle.

"No, Pittoo!" cried Pit.

"Get your fucking disgusting hands off me," growled Pittoo. "You're cutting off my circulation!"

Lana thought of the funniest joke ever in the history of the world. "More like he's cutting off your Renai Circulation!" and everyone laughed.

"Very funny, NOW SOMEONE FUCKING SAVE ME!"

Evil evil dude laughed. "Now where have I seen this before? Oh, I think I know! This reminds me of when I killed Eugene "Bling-Bling Boy" Hamilton. God, I enjoyed killing him so much. Anyway, since my plan failed I might as well kill this weeaboo fuck."

"Stop, don't kill him," said Pit, but strangely nonchalantly. "If you don't let him go, we'll be forced to kill you."

"Ha, fat chance. How do you think you'll be be able to do that?"

"Like this."

Test felt a tug on his legs. Looking down, he realized that Lucas's Torterra had wrapped vines around his legs while he was talking.

"Say wha-?" With one tear, Johnny Test was ripped right in half, blood and guts splattering everywhere.

"We did it!" Pit cheered, wiping intestines off of his face.

A few minutes later, the team made it to the Canadian Oval Office in the Canadian White House. It had pictures of former Prime Ministers, especially his father Pierre Trudeau, and others of Queen Elizabeth.

To clean the blood off of themselves, the Cananadians called Wolf to come over and lick it off of them because wolf is an canine and a wolf, and canines eat meat, just as dogs do because they are also canines, and Wolf is very doglike and canine-like because he is a canine, and loves to eat meat as well as dogfood, and since canine dog wolves eat meat and everyone is covered with meat as intestines and other guts are meat and Wolf the canine can clean it off, who else but would the clean Wolf off the guts and blood thr from the Johnny array dead food canine wolf.

Anyway, Wolf licked the blood and guts off of everyone and it was really yummy and he barked in happiness as canines do when they are happy. Once Wolf was finished, he took a bus, and although canines don't usually take buses because pets aren't allowed on buses, Wolf was allowed because he was the seeing eye dog to Matt Murdoch AKA Daredevil, and they fought crime together in the great city of Neo Yokio, as well as staring on the TV show Hell's Kitchen with Gordon Ramsey.

Trudeau got out his super hacking hacker laptop and was typing on it like a cool dude.

"Trudeau is so perfect," said Pit, admiring the PM. "I wish he was the dictator of the entire world, we would be in peace, and everything would be perfect."

"But it is important to to realize that our leaders are still just people," repliked Ike. "They have flaws and make mistakes just like the rest of us."

"Or at least that's true for most leaders. Luckily, Justin Trudeau is a god."

Ike sighed, knowing that he could never convince the angle that not everything in Canada is perfect.

"Guys, I need some help," stated Trudeau. "I've been hacking into the White House, but I've only been able to make it through the first level of security. Do any of you know how to hack?"

"I can hack," squawked Dedede, and so he was ready to hack into the White House and steal Trump's evil plans.

Meanwhile Pit did an excellent jump flip onto the nearby love seat, with everyone clapping and Linkle holding up a perfect ten.

The Kanadian angle started writing something down in a notebook. "I'm writing down some reoccurring dreams I've been having. They're aboot me forming a team called the Tim Hortons Crew to combat the evil Trump and his lackeys, known as the Konservative Kristian Korporation, who want to turn Tim Hortons into a place for Americans."

"What the fuck," cursed Pittoo very inappropriately, obscenely, and cursingly. "This is literally just what happened when I was in the Hot Topic Krew, but about Canadian preps."

"Speaking of the Hot Topic Krew," said Lucas, "why does this fanfic have America and Canada as countries when they don't exist in the original story?"

Linkle gasped. "He's right, the original story takes place in a country called Ameraspexicosotaribeanatacacalacastandenpaniasakakoreaziloridadonia."

Edgelord weeb angle wasn't paying attention, thinking of his future plan to take an edgy trip to Japanan. When he is an adult, Pittoo will go to Japan and then fuck Japan himself.

Pittoo/Japan is a beautiful ship with cherry blossoms flying in the background (it's canon).

"Guys, y'all ain't gonna like this," said Dedede in fear.

"What happened, were you unable to hack the plans?" asked Trudeau.

"No, I was able to find the plans, but...well, you should take a look for yourself."

The Prime Minister was horrified at what he read, doing a Hail Mary. "Dear God...he placed nukes in the capital of every province and territory, and he's going to blow up the entire country!"

Everyone GAAAAAAAAAAASPED.

* * *

Trump was at his desk, thinking of more people to deport to Canada before he nukes it.

"Lord Master God Trump," said Pence, bowing down to the Overlord. "I just needed to make sure, are you going to deport the sinful gays to Canada as well?"

"Of course I am!"

Mike Penis smiled. "Good!"

The cheeto spun around in his chair with cheer. "My plan is going perfectly! Everyone that I don't like is being deported to that third-world country, and once I blow that icy hellhole to smithereens, all of its resources will be mine! Everything that I do is for one reason and one reason only! Do you know what that reason is?"

"What is it, sir?"

"Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Money

Motherfucker

Money on my motherfucking mind

Cop five haircuts at the same time

White gold pants, jet ski made of wine

Foie gras bust of Albert Einstein

Get Money

Money out my motherfucking mouth

A mansion, a ranch, and a camp and a town

A motherfucking store with a floor made of scalps

Trump from the house don't got rocks, he got Alps

Get Money

Money in the motherfucking jar

Shark fin pastry

Summers on Mars

Twenty motherfuckers in a levitating car

Seven-forty-seven full of women and cigars

Get money

Money in the motherfucking pot

A castle full of cars and the yard full of yachts

A leopard with a mink

And an arm full of clocks

All hand wound everyday by a Spock

Get money

Money is a motherfucking joke

Forty bald eagles sewn onto a coat

Zoo with the crib, mermaid in the moat

Buy another strip mall every eighth note

Get money

Money ain't a motherfucking prob

It's a sport I invented to win when I watch

And own all the rights and the lights and the locks

Even own all the ice in the Sprite you just dropped

Get money

Money or your motherfucking life

Two ton angel carved outta ice

Alligator sailboat, dollar sign eyes

Fill a warehouse full of Van Goghs twice

Get money

Money or your motherfucking heart

I could give it to my dog

He makes money when he barks

Or put it in my fridge

Or in one of my parks that i bought

So my robots could learn how to LARP

Get-"

"Don't you think that this musical number is a bit long?"

"I WAS ALMOST OVER WITH THAT YOU LITTLE SHIT!111"

Pence screamed and burst into tears, begging for mercy, as well as pissing himself again.

"Now get the fuck out of my office."

The cowardly VP bowed to Trump before leaving the room.

Trump smiled with the evil. Those 'Defenders of Canada' may have defeated one of my best man, but they have no idea of what I have in store for them."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that is it for another chapter! It's also the story's longest chapter so far! We actually don't have that many chapters left in this story, but I'll be sure to make them as COOL as possible. It'd be cooler if I didn't have to write it while thinking of Tim. Just to let you guys know, this story is never going to get dark, instead remaining a huge shitpost. Please tell me your feelings of this chapter in the comments, and happy belated Leif Erikson Day!


	7. Mishohn For Cananada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trudeau is still sexy and we learn an interesting fact aboot Kid Icarus Uprising.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back for another Canada! If Tim ever tried to go there he'd be kicked out because NO ONE LIKES YOU TIM! I left you guys on a big cliffhanger last time, but now we will see how the Defenders of Canada SAVE CANADA!

Everyone was freaking the heck out after Trump revealed that he was going to BLOW CANADA!

They were running in circles and screaming as Linkle yelled, "Oy vey!"

"Everyone, we need to calm down and think of a plan!" said Pit since as you know, he is gay for Canada.

"I agree," said the sexy, sexy Trudeau. But no one else could calm down because they couldn't hear them over the screaming.

Pit had an idea. "There's only one way to solve this, and that's WITH A SONG!"

And so Pit and Trudeau started to sing.

"God save our gracious Queen!

Long live our noble Queen!

God save the Queen!

Send her victorious,

Happy and glorious,

Long to reign over us:

God save the Queen!

O Lord our God arise,

Scatter her enemies,

And make them fall:

Confound their politics,

Frustrate their knavish tricks,

On Thee our hopes we fix:

God save us all.

Thy choicest gifts in store,

On her be pleased to pour;

Long may she reign:

May she defend our laws,

And ever give us cause,

To sing with heart and voice,

God save the Queen!"

The song was so beautiful that everyone stopped arguing and started singing aboot their beloved monarch Queen Elizabeth II, as the song was almost as beautiful as Robin Sparkles' "Let's Go to the Mall."

Pit was first to speak after the royal anthem. "Everyone, we can't just stand here and panic when CANADA, my one true love, is on the line!"

"We've got to come up with a plan to SAVE CANADA!" exclaimed the sexiest Prime Minister of all time, with the hair of a god and the body of also an god. He was so muscular that you could see his sexy Canadian abs through his suit.

Pit got out a whiteboard like the great white north and began to write oot the mishohn for Cananada. "That hoser Trump wrote a letter aboot how he's going to try to DESTROY THIS PERFECT NATION by blowing up nukes that he placed in the capitals of every province and territory of this perfect nation! But we can't let that happen BECAUSE THIS IS CANADA AND WE WILL SAVE CANADA!"

Pit was making a very rousing speech, as everyone was being moved to tears.

"Trump thinks that he can stop us, like it's a crime to protect and love our nation! 'Cause I'm guilty! Guilty as a Canadian can be! Come on baby can't you see! I stand accuuuuuused, of love in the first degree!" Pit would always protect Canada, as Canada is the Father, Trudeau is the Son, and Queen Elizabeth is the Holy Spirit.

Such a beatufil speech, everyone cheers at the beautifel speech as it was so sugoi, even Pittoo was moved to edgy angular tears.

"Bravo, Pit, you are the one true hero of Canada," cried Trudeau sexily as his tears were so much that his shirt turned see-through and you could see his sexy abs and maples.

"No, Trudeau, you are the hero! You are the one that inspired me to become the Canadian that I am today! And I will FIGHT TO SAVE CANADA BECAUSE I LOVE CANADA AND WILL FIGHT TO SAVE CANADA!"

This was another rousing speech as everyone clapped and cried again.

Suddenly, a group burst through the door! It was...Palutena, Icarus, and Bean!

Pit and Pittoo gasped, both running up to hug them. "Are you guys okay?" asked Pit.

"And why did Trump kidnap you?" asked his edgy weeb brother.

Palutena was the first to answer. "It turned out that he only kidnapped us because he hated our music."

"Are you fucking serious?" questioned Pittoo.

"Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanguage, Pittoo," sticky keyed the goodness for emphasis.

"But yes," answered Icarus, "that was the only reason why he kidnapped us. Luckily we got out using the Icarus dance and I became Bob Ross with a magical paintbrush, and Palutena now uses a machine gun and Bean is armed with a guillotine. Together we are the hit pot I mean pop band...Icarus and the Greens!"

Bean smiled with green. "Now we'll help you defeat that Trump bitch!"

Palutena glared at the green wonder. "You too need to watch your linguini, Green Beany." And she forgave Bean because Bean is perfect.

As the two angles finished catching up with their 420 parents, having a bonding family happy time, Pit was ready to continue with the plan to save the Canada, getting back the great whiteboard.

"So, since the bombs have been placed in each capital city, we will have to split up to SAVE CANADA! Each member of our team will go to a different capital! Lucas, you will go to Halifax, the capital of Nova Scotia! Polar Knight, you will go to St. Johns, the capital of Newfoundland and Labrador! Luigi, you will go to Edmonton, the capital of Alberta! Papyrus, you will go to Fredericton, the capital of New Brunswick! Linkle, you will go to Winnipeg, the capital of Manitoba! Lana, you will go to Regina, the capital of Saskatchewan! Bear Hugger, you will go to Victoria, capital of British Colombia! Ike, you will go to Charlottetown, the capital of Prince Edward Island! Popo, you will go to Yellowknife, the capital of Northwest Territories! Nana, you will go to Iqaluit, the capital of Nunavut! King Dedede, you will go to Whitehorse, the capital of Yukon! Mom, Dad, and Bean Dad, the three of you will go to Quebec City, la capitale du QuÃ©bec! And finally, Prime Minister Trudeau, Pittoo, and I will go to Toronto, the capital of Ontario!"

Toronto is the largest city in Canada and also the entire world, being the very center of the universe and where the Founding Fathers signed the Canadian Declaration of Independance with Jesus.

"Now does everyone understand the plan, eh?"

"Yeah!" exclaimed everyone happily, as they are going to SAVE CANADA!

-"Above the Clouds" from Super Mario Odyssey begins to play-

(AN: Yes, I decided to add some of those song thingies into the story. If you don't know already, what you can do is open the song up on YouTube and have it be background music).

And so everyone prepared for their long journey throughoot Canada. They all wore their signature Mountie outfits, but added some extra stuff to it, as Lana turned it into a weebish kimono, Papyrus wore his scarf on top, Lucas made sure to make it stylish to have style and stylishness, and Linkle covered it in grenades and those bullet things like Rambo.

"I can't wait anymore, the anticipation is killing me!" Linkle clucked.

"But Linkle-chan, maybe you should wait for a little bit," replied Lana. "You could get lost and die, and that'd be so kowaii and kanashii and break my kokoro!"

Pittoo agreed. "Yeah, shouldn't you take a GPS or a guide dog or some shit?"

"It'll be fine!" lolled Linkle like Dark Yagami, as she got into a ball and started to roll away. "Bye, everyone!"

"We're absolutely fucked," groaned Dark Pit.

Did you know that if you rearrange the letters of Kid Icarus Uprising, it spells Rising Dick? That is a very fun fact, thank you for telling me that.

"Since Linkle-senpai is already gone, I guess I'll leave too!"

"Do you even know what senpai means?" asked Pittoo, although he was probably mad because his senpais never notice him (AN: Geddit like all the meme weeb shit hahahah), as if he was George Costanza in the Seinfeld Visual Novel _The Senpai_.

"Sayonara, Pittoo-kun!" Lana said, as she did her best school idol twirl and Naruto ran onto Majora's weeb bus that the mask let her borrow. Majora is this taking mask that has powers like Crappy from Super Mari Odyssey. He and his best bud the Happy Mask Salesman possess innocent bystanders and make them do anime dances, videoing it and posting it online, embarrassing everyone in the process and it's all really funny.

The weeb bus looks like that bus from that one shitty movie by Steven Kong about the cars coming to life and killing people, except it is covered in weeb shit and has Majora's face on the front.

Papyrus and Luigi were saying goodbye, as they're dating now, best ship ever. What should it be named, Lugyrus? Papuigi? I like the latter idea best. If they ever had kids, they'd be Mario and Luigi from that one AU with Mario in Undertail.

Luigi was wearing his Chinese cowboy outfit because he's going to Alberta, which is the Texas of Canada.

"I AM VERY SORRY THAT WE HAVE TO LEAVE, BUT WE WILL SOON BE REUNITED, AS PROMISED BY THE LEGEND OF THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!" he Papyrused, which would Luigi's eyes to bleed from his font, luckily the Italian was doing his Chinese impression and couldn't see it.

"I'm-a sorry too! But-a when-a we get-a back, we'll-a have LOTSA SPAGHETTI!" In order to survive being blinded by the painful font, Luigi will have to get used to it by diving in pools of deadly fonts like Comic Sans, Papyrus, the font for that Evanescence uses, Jokerman, the Disney font, and worst of all, Comic Papyrus. Eventually, Luigi will build up an immunity to all fonts. Also, Times New Roman isn't a bad font IT'S GREAT!

And so the spaghetti-loving duo separate ways went their.

(AN: How long should those song things last? I might as well start a new one. Here's a really random song!)

-Kelpy G's smooth jazz begins playing in the background just because I feel like playing it-

Since Bear Hugger is from British Colombia, he got the weed and got onto the back of his bear. "So long, eh!"

Ike is the only sane man for this story, so he didn't do anything especially weird, saying goodbye and wishing everyone good luck.

"I'm off to clobber dat dere TRUMP!" said Dedede, as he got into a robot that he bought from IKEA. Polar Knight now sells him furniture robots after that one Nightmare guy went out of business.

Speaking of Polar Knight, he left quietly because he's stoic like Sweden.

Lucas still had the style in every outfit he wears. "Goodbye, everyone!" he said as he flew away on the back of his Mothra.

Meanwhile, Popo was freaking out. "I can't believe they're sending us to separate territories, how am I supposed to survive without you hitting me with a fan whenever I do something dumb?"

"Eh, whatever," said Nana, leaving Popo on his own as he ran away in terror.

Finally, Palutena, Icarus, and Bean were ready to leave. "I wish we had more time to catch up," said the goddess with goddess.

"It's okay, Mom," said Pit. "We've got to SAVE CANADA! Once Canada is saved, then we can spend some more time together.

Pittoo agreed with his brother. Despite being an edgelord, he did miss his parents, even Bean.

"And once we get back," added Icarus, "I'll buy us all floor ice cream!" The twins were so happy that they did a dance like in those GoAnimate videos.

They all said their last goodbyes and left by doing the Icarus dance, swinging their arms from side to side and opening up a portal.

Now Trudeau, Pit, and Pittoo were the only ones left.

"I guess this is time to go," said Pit. "I can't wait to see the CN Tower in Toronto!"

"But remember," warned the PM, "Being the largest city in the nation, it will likely contain very many Trump robots, and maybe even the dictator himself!

-"Parasailing Minigame" from Zelda: Breath of the Wild begins to play-

"Don't worry, we'll defeat that hoser easily, right Pittoo!"

"Right, that baka bastard won't know what hit him! We'll make it happen, we'll turn it around! Yes, we were born to make history! DUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUN! DUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN! DUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUN! DUUUUUUUN DUUUUUUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUN!"

They all mounted (AN: GEDDIT?!) on top of that radioactive moose, and started riding into the sunset, ready to defeat Trump. "FOR CANADA!" screamed Pit as the chapter ends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's all for today's chapter! Next chapter will be about a Journey through Cananada! Just to let you guys know, this story is close to being finished. There will likely only be two more chapters. I do have an idea for a sequel once I finish this one, though. Stay tuned for the penultimate chapter! If only it was about Tim getting hit by a train, then it'd be the best chapter in the story.


	8. Super Cananada Odyssey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Papyrus wins by doing absolutely nothing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the (very VERY) long wait, but the penultimate chapter is here! Happy very VERY VERY belated New Year, everyone! Hopefully Tim had an UNHAPPY New Year that involved pain and sorrow. Now, lets just get on with this chapter that involves our cast journeying through Cananada. It will be a lesson to teach you aboot Cananada's provinces and history so it will obviously be FUN! And most of the information I'll teach you will be true! Warning: I am not from Canada, so I might get some of the facts wrong on accident (although some will be on purpose). Please notify me of any inaccuracies (unless I made it wrong as a joke).

-"RoboBrood Battle" from Super Mario Odyssey starts to play-

Linkle was on her way to a very beautiful province called Manitoba, one of Canada's three prairie provinces (the other two being Albert and Sascjeacjoeon). It was filled with many great things like

"I've been walking for a while," she said, being followed by hundreds of chickens, "so I'm probably almost there! Let's see...this sign says we're 100 kilometres from Tokyo. I wonder if that's near Winnipeg."

Takamaru the Samurai was walking around all ninja-like like normal, when he spotted Linkle skipping around. "Konichiwa!"

Linkle gasped. "You must be a French person, I heard there were a lotta those in Canada! No hablar French, mon signore!"

"You must be very lost," said Takamaru, or as Takumi calls him, Tacomaru. "We're in Japan, not Canada."

"Silly me, I must've gotten lost again! But how will I get back to Manitoba so I can help save Canada?"

"Don't worry, he'll help you," he said, pointing to a nearby Japanese Caillou.

"One Punch Man, can you punch me to Manitoba?" asked Linkle.

"Okay," One Punch Man said and punched the chicken chick into the sky.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I'M FLYING LIKE A CHICKEN THIS IS MY DREAM COME TRUE!1111" Wait, but chickens can only fly for very short distances, they don't travel over oceans at fast speeds! This is unrealistic, a chicken expert like Lonkle should know this.

Linkle was launched all the way to Manitoba faster than a jet (AN: Geddit like the Winnipeg Jets?!), just outside of its capital, Winnipeg. VERY INTERESTING FACT ABOOT THE INTERESTING CITY OF WINNIPEG: It is near the longitudinal centre of North America! Very interesting! It was really cold, luckily Linkle is too manly to let the cold stop her. From where she was, she could see many of the beautiful sights in Manitoba like

Suddenly, black clouds filled up the sky! But they weren't normal clouds, they were mosquito clouds, made up of billions and billions of mosquitoes!

"Oh no, Trump must be behind all of these mosquitoes!"

"What are you talking aboot, eh?" offensively asked a random bystander. "It's always like this here!"

"Anyway, I'll have to defeat these bugs before I can get into Winnipeg and stop the bomb!"

Linkle borrowed some bug spray from the bystander and used it to make her rocket launcher crossbow into a bug spray crossbow. She would need to use the skills to defeat them that she learned from her time in the KGB.

The Hylian whistled as her cuccoos came flying towards her. Linkle did some Legolas shit, jumping off of the chickens into the sky and shooting the mosquito army. It looked like super cool like the poster to some cool movie as the chicken and mosquito armies flying toward each other with Linkle in the centre (that's how center is spelled in Canada).

Soon, Linkle used her Legolas skills to kill every single mosquito in Manitoba.

"Yay, we're free!" cheered the Manitobans, happy that they are finally free from the eternal mosquito curse placed on them in the ancient times.

And luckily, the bomb was already defused, as Linkle taught her chickens how to defuse bombs and sent a couple chickens to do it during this epic mythological battle that will go down in history.

Mega Man also said hello as he was the mascot of the football team (AN: Geddit the Winnipeg Blue Bombers hahahaha!).

Now the very nice girl is finished with her mission and happily skips away to God knows where.

* * *

-"Battle! (Champion)/Champion Cynthia" from Super Smash Bros. for Wii U starts to play-

The next great adventure that you are blessed to witness is Lucas's journey to Halifax, Nova Scotia. It is one of the three maritime provinces, the other two being New Brunswick and Prince Edward Island.

Nova Scotia means New Scotland, and it is filled with lobsters and also alchohohl.

Lucas, having very great style, asked a bystander for help to find the bomb to defuse. "Excuse me, sir, could you help me for a second?"

The man was wearing a kilt and had one of those Scottish hat things and bagpipes. "Och, I'm so fookin blootered! Haud yer wheesht, ma heid's loupin'!"

"I wonder if there's a translator anywhere?" Lucas whispered to himself. "Anyway, sir, this is an emergency! Trump wants to blow up Halifax!"

"Wait, Trump? That glaikit galoot, al 'elp ye stop 'im!"

The man pointed to the water, where the Loch Ness Monster was carrying the bomb! Lucas knew he had to kill the Loch Ness Monster, as he sent out Empoleon into the water and rode away on its back.

"Haste ye back, an lang may yer lum reek!" said the man, wishing him good luck.

Lucas rode away on the penguin and chased after the sea creature, dodging lobsters and its Godzilla breath. Luckily, he had his trusty scarf with him to deflect the hits. As he got right next to it, they had a VERY COOL battle, and he finished him off by wrapping the scarf around its neck and cocking it to death. Now the DAY IS SAVED and the bomb was easily disposed of.

* * *

Now is the adventure of Polar Knight to St. John's, Newfoundland.

Fun fact: St. John's is the farthest east city in North America (excluding any in Greenland)!

To get to Newfoundland, he had to go through Labrador, where he saw a Labrador retriever (AN: GEDDIT!?). About 92% of the province's population lives in Newfoundland, as opposed to Labrador. Then, he called his Viking crew and they arrived with their ship.

By the way, Newfoundland and Labrador has a pretty cool flag!

They now embarked on their epic journey to the island of Newfoundland, fighting off sea monsters. Soon they reached St. John's, newly finding Newfoundland (AN: Geddit?!).

"Now we will defeat whatever monster Trump has here for us, ya?"

"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" cheered the Vikings, charging in and fighting the mythological monsters attacking the land such as that one puppy with the chains.

The reason why the Viking we know as Polar Knight was assigned to save Newfoundland is rooted in history of world.

MANY YEARS AGO long before that one bitch Columbus THAT CAN'T EVEN DO SIMPLE MATH FUCK YOU COLUMBUS YOU GENOCIDAL MUSSOLINI ITALIAN SAUSAGE YOU DON'T DESERVE YOUR OWN HOLIDAY, the Americas were first reached by Europeans. It was about 1000 BC (not really BC it was AD, but wouldn't it be cooler if it happened that many years earlier?) when Leif Erikson (remember from Spongebob?) and his Krew of Vikings reached the coast of Newfoundland. And that's how Leif Erikson became the first Prime Minister of Canada THE END.

Anyway, Polar Knight easily beat the bad guys and defused the bomb NEXT PROVINCE!

* * *

-"Plessie's Plunging Falls" from Super Mario 3D World starts to play-

Now, we would like to welcome Luigi to the province of Alberta which is basically Texas but colder and emptier. It has oil, conservatives, and other Texan things.

Calgary is the largest city, and it has an annual event called the Calgary Stampede. It is a huge festival, attracting over a million visitors each year, and features one of the world's largest rodeos, as well as other events.

Calgary also once hosted the Winter Olympics! There are three times in which Canada hosted the Olympics: the 1976 Summer Olympics in Montreal, the 1988 Winter Olympics in Calgary, and the 2010 Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

Luigi was heading to Alberta's capital, Edmonton, riding on a horse in a stampede of cows and wearing his offensive Chinese cowboy outfit.

Fun fact: Edmonton is the the farthest north city in North America that has a metropolitan population of over one million!

Now Luigi is going to enter the city in the near future as he dismounts his horse and is about to enter soon.

"Howdy, pardner!" said a cowboy with a gun in his holster (AN: I know people from Alberta don't talk like Texans BUT IT'S JUST JOKE).

"Buongiorno! I-a need-a to find-a where Trump-a put a bomb-a!"

"Yer gonna need ta take care'a dat darn tootin bull dat's attackin' da city first!"

Luigi looked up at a huge animal charging towards him! But it wasn't a normal bull, it was a bull dressed in Bowser cosplay! You see, one day a normal bull was walking into Hot Topic, when it saw a sexy shirt with a picture of Bowser on it. He became obsessed Bowser's raw sexual energy and decided to cosplay as him every day. Now Precedent Dolan Trope released him in Edmonton to fight Luigi.

Upon seeing the angry booser bull, Luigi screamed interior I mean in terror as you would expect. But he is Luigi, and he won't let that bull bulli him! He will fight back! Go Luigi, we love you Luigi!

Chinese cowboy Luigi got on his balloons from Luigi's Balloon World and started to rise like a delicious Spanish omelette being cooked in the oven.

Luigi floated in the air using his balloons, putting his arms out in a cross position. This is religious symbolism and represents the fact that Luigi is Jesus.

The bull charged towards the Italian, but he was too high. Next, Luigi made a lasso out of lotsa spaghetti (AN: Getdit, because he's Italian and spaghetti is Italian?!) and threw it onto the bull's neck. He swung it around and around like Mario in the final boss of Super Mario 64, before releasing the bull (it's name was Llkl) and launching it onto the ground. Llkl died of the blunt force trauma, and everyone in the city ate a delicious meal. Also, le bull was holding the bomb and Luigi stared at the explosive so hard that it literally froze.

* * *

Papyrus the skeleton is entering the Canadian province of New Brunswick, a province that is in Canada. It is another one of the maritime provinces and one of the four founding provinces of Canada.

CONFEDERATION OF CANADIA: Many years ago, Canada was just a British colony, but a movement for independence began from multiple factors, including a need for more defense against SOMEONE (America), the desire for a national railroad, and other things.

And so, Canada became independent from the United Kingdom after the passage of the British North American Acts by Queen Victoria on July 1st, 1867. July 1st is now the holiday Canada Day, and last year was Canada's 150th anniversary!

The original four provinces of Canada were Ontario, Quebec, Nova Scotia, and New Brunswick.

BACK TO NU BRANSWACK:

New Brunswick? Are you guys sure this is a real place?

Fredericton is apparently a city that is the capital of this forgotten province.

Papyrus spoopily sploofed into this small capital, seeing a crowd of people.

"GREETING HUMANS!" he blared fontily. "I NEED TO FIND THE BOMB THAT THE DASTARDLY DONALD TRUMP PLACED IN THIS BEAUTIFUL CITY!"

But soon it turned out that there was no bomb in New Brunswick because everyone forgot it was a place.

"IT LOOKS LIKE MY WORK HERE IS DONE. THE GREAT PAPYRUS SAVES THE DAY ONCE AGAIN!"

And so Papyrus stopped into the nearest Tim Hortons and ate some yummy donuts, leaving friendly comments on DeviantArt because he is a good person that never leaves mean comments.

* * *

Next is the famous weeb witch, Lana. She went to Saskatchewan, a cold prairie province similar to Manitoba, in that it has many great things like

Lana arrived in Majora's bus, roughly riding into Saskatchewan (AN: Geddit like the Saskatchewan Roughriders?!) and traveling past farms and farms and more farms for hours. Luckily, there were many sights for her to see like

"Where is everyone, this place is so empty and unsugoi!" She eventually reached Regina, the capital. It was a very interesting place, and when she got there, stuff happened.

Do you guys really think I can come up with anything to happen in Saskatchewan?

But then she encountered...the evil bad guy Zoont, previously known as Zant (Zant was his maiden name), holding a nuke!

"Floppity flop whats up beatch!" said Zoont because he's fucking weird.

"You. What are you doing here?" said Lana all cool and anime-like

"I was like totally skippin around like the crazy person I am when suddenly Tramp recrooted me to his evul side and now I'm gonna keel u!"

"You are underestimating me. I am much more powerful than when we last fought, I even attended Ninja College!"

"Oh yeah? Then show me your po-" Lana just shot him with a beam of anime magic as Zoont blasted off again and the bomb exploded in space.

"Sugoi, I did it!" said Lana, posing like some anime chick because she is one.

And so, the weebish witch got a good chance to see all of Saskatchewan's great sights such as

* * *

-"Bear Hugger" from Punch Out! (Wii) begins playing-

British Colombia is the destination for Bear Hugger, his home province. BC is the third most populous province in Cananada, and it is well-known for its beautiful mountains. In fact, it is one of the most gorgeous places on Earth! The province is also famous for the dankiest dank.

The largest city is Vancouver, one of the most famous Canadian cities, but the capital is Victoria. Fun fact: Vancouver often doubles for American cities in films and tv shows!

Bear Hugger rode in on a grizzly bear because he's fucking manly, traveling over the many mountains. He waved to the many lumberjacks, hippies, and lumberjack-hippies on the way.

Bear Hugger breathed in, smelling the strong scent of kush. It always smells like this in British Colombia. Did you know that British Colombia's flag is a green version of the Canadian flag with a marijuana leaf instead of a maple leaf? That's not true, but it'd be cool if it was.

Anyway, the boxer entered Victoria and prepared to face any evil threat. But the threat to appear was so evil that it was bad! It was...the Anti-Weed Dragon! It looks like the dragon from the flag of Wales but the opposite of weed, with 024 spikes. And now it will absorb all of the weed in gorgeous British Columbia!

Everyone panicked as the giant, flying Anti-Weed Dragon sucked up their kush.

"ALL MARIJUANA WILL BE ELIMINATED." buzzled the pelling voice of the pure evil, entraining itself into the minds.

Luckily, BC has a hero, legendary boxer Bear Hugger!

"The hell do you think you're doin', eh? We won't let you touch our pot!"

"THEN BE DESTROYED," said evul dragon.

It shot a beam of anti-weed, the exact opposite of weed, but Bear Hugger dodged it. He then got some of the remaining dank that the dragon had not yet absorbed and ate it whole.

You see, weed is like spinach for Bear Hugger, giving him super strength. With one punch, the dragon was destroyed and all of the weed was restored.

So British Colombia had its weed broughtened back and was saved.

* * *

Prince Edward Island is the destination of beefcake Ike. One of the Maritime provinces, it is Canada's smallest province in size and population. Fun fact: Prince Edward Island has the highest population density of any province in Canada, due to its extremely small size.

The Confederation Bridge leads to the island from New Brunswick, but it was blocked by Trump's robots and Ike had to swim the whole way.

WHY IS THIS CHAPTER THIS LONG I'M SO BORED.

Ike eventually swam all the way to the island, making it to the capital, Charlottetown.

Prince Edward Island is really tiny, so it gets a really tiny section devoted to it. Ike found the bomb on the ground and defused it THE END.

* * *

We've finished all of the provinces (except for Quebec and Ontario, but I'm saving those for the end), so now we're at the territories, Northwest Territories, Nunavut, and Yukon.

I'll just combine them together into one section because they have so few people in them.

All of them have very low populations and population densities, Northwest Territories only having 41,786 (and it's the most populated of the territories).

Many of the residents of the territories, especially Nunavut, are indigenous peoples. The main indigenous groups in Canada are First Nations, Inuit, and Metis.

Historically, the indigenous peoples of Canada have not been treated well, although treatment was better than in America.

ANWYAYWY Popo went to Yellowknife, Northwest Territories, Nana went to Iqaluit, Nunavut, and Dedede went Whitehorse, Yukon.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF THEIR ADVENTURES:

-"Ice Climber" from Super Smash Bros. Brawl begins to play-

"Hey, everyone! My name is Popo, and I am one of the main characters of this story!" said Popo to the audience. "I usually go everywhere with Nana, but now that we're separated, I'M FREAKING OUT SOMEONE HELP ME I CAN'T SURVIVE IN THE WILD!"

Popo tried to make sense of the maps and compasses he had, riding on a sled pulled by huskies.

"Maybe I'll be fine! I have tons of eggplants with me!" He opened the bag as the eggplants suddenly came flying out into the river. "Shit."

Luckily, Popo survived after being mauled by polar bears as he was nursed back to help by a reindeer that brought him to Yellowknife, where he was able to get rid of the bomb.

NANA'S TURN:

Fun fact: Nunavut is not connected to the rest of Canada by road! Nana had to head to Iqaluit by plane because of this.

So Nana rode on a plane instead of getting mauled by bears like that loser, but she still missed her best friend/whatever their relation is Popopo.

Anyway, she soon made it to Iqaluit in her home province, where there were lots of igloos, snowmobiles, and polar bears.

But things weren't like normal! The ice was MELTING BECAUSE OF GOLBAL WORMING!111

"SHIT I HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!" Luckily, Professor E. Gadd built her a cannon that would amplify her ice powers.

She powered it up her power to max power, making it the most powerful. Nana shot the ice cannon, refreezing the polar ice caps.

And that is how Nana saved the world from global warming.

PENGIN TIME: King Dededede went to Whitehorse, Yukon. Since Nana just stopped global warming it was really cold, luckily Dedede was used to it because he's un manchot.

Wait a minute, where's Captain Falcon? Shit, somehow I completely forgot that he was in this story and never sent him to a province. I also didn't include him in the group picture of the Defenders of Canada. Whatever, I'll figure out an explanation to why he isn't here.

Anyway IT't TE YOKON!

King Dedede was eating a Klondike Bar on his husky-pulled dogsled, when he easily found the bomb (Trump didn't attempt trying to guard the bombs in the territories) and smashed it with his extremely muscular arms.

Not that Dedede was finished, he had a very great idea. "I heard that this darn place has a lot of gold! Maybe I'll just be able to get rich here!" The manchot made an evil face (he's not evil though HE'S PERFECT), rubbing his gloves together. "Eheheheheh, delightfully devilish, Dedede!"

I can't believe that Sakurai totally voiced Dedede on the dub of the Kirby anime, I wasn't expecting him to speak such good English and have a Southern accent!

Dedede started panning for gold, expecting tons of mons, as he continued for hours and never found anything. That night, the pingüí went home very sad with tears in his eyes. It was a very emotional scene.

* * *

-"Kass' Theme" from Breath of the Wild starts playing-

Pendant ce temps au Québec (Is that French accurate? I don't speak French.), Icarus and the Greens, a great band that will save the world with their enlightening songs such as "The Car Wash" and "The Ballad of Karl Marx," teleported into Quebec City using the Icarus Dance.

Quebec, as you should know, is very different from the rest of Canada. The main language in Quebec is French, and many Quebecers feel independent from the rest of Canada.

The Québécois flag is also very cool! It might be my favorite of the Canadian provincial flags.

QUICK HISTORY LESSON! I'll be glazing over many of the events, and this obviously isn't a complete history of the region.

Canada was colonized by France, being part of New France, but was taken over by Britain after the Seven Years War (aka the French and Indian War). Britain passed the Quebec Act in 1774 to help with the unrest among the French-speaking Quebecers, officially recognizing the French language and culture of the region and guaranteeing free practice of Catholic Faith.

Then some other stuff happened and Canada became a country, with Quebec being one of the four original provinces.

POINTLESS HISTORY LESSON OVER!

Anyway, we can't talk about Quebec without mentioning its largest city, Montreal. It is the second largest city in all of Canadia, and was historically the commercial capital of the nation and its largest city, before being overtaken by Toronto in the 1970s.

The capital of Quebec is Quebec City, or Ville de Québec. Quebec City is one of the oldest cities in North America, founded by Samuel de Champlain in 1608.

Anyway, Palutena, Icarus, and Bean arrived near the Château Frontenac, a huge hotel that dominates Quebec's skyline. Fun fact, it is recognized as the most photographed hotel in the world!

There were snobby French people everywhere eating poutine, Quebec's signature dish. There were also lots of protesters as well as street performers playing instruments like accordions, guitars, and baguettes.

Important things to know about Quebec City: It is the only fortified city in North America north of Mexico! It contains La Citadelle, the oldest military building in Canada. It's owner is the Queen of Canada, Queen Elizabeth II, and it is the only place in the world that uses British military customs in French language. It contains many Queen's guardsmen, the ones wearing red and with puffy hats.

Palutena, Icarus, and Bean scanned their surroundings, watching out for any threats.

"My goddess senses are tingling," said the goddess. "My goddess senses are sensing something dangerous with my goddess powers," said the goddess.

"Maybe we should look in that Tim Hortons for help!" said Icarus, although he really just wanted an excuse to eat.

"I agree," said Bean like the bean he is.

They all walked into the perfect restaurant as the restaurant people gasped that such famous people were entering the restaurant.

"C'est Icarus et les Verts!" exclaimed a restaurant person.

"Zis is so amazing, I never zought zat I would meet someone so exquisite, hon hon hon!" said another restaurant person that is eating.

"Why, I'm glad that you recognized us," said Palutena, throwing off her sunglasses and smiling at her fans.

Then they walked up to the food selling person that sells food at that part of the restaurant.

"I would like a black coffee and a jelly-filled donut!" she said to the food person.

"Désolé, mais je ne parle pas anglais." (Google Translate)

"Oh no, she doesn't speak English HOW CAN WE EAT!" said the Icarus with panic and En voit ton paquet

"I know a little fucking French," said Bean with gratuitous cursing. "Bonjour, mon amie, she would like le putain de café noir et le putain de beignet du jelly, chienne."

"Hon hon, oui oui, mon ami vert."

And so they got the food and started planning for finding the bomb and the bad guy keeping it. They soon came up with a plan as Icarus did the Icarus dance wearing his Bob Ross cosplay and everyone cheered.

"Now, let's find the villain with my goddess senses! Once Trump is defeated, we can finally do our performance!"

They walked out, but Palutena instantly sensed something in the distance.

"What is it, is there a monster for me to BLAST THE FUCK INTO HELL?!" screamed Bean.

"Bean. Watch. Your. Languageeeeeeeeeeeeee. But I do sense something, and it's on the top of the hotel!"

"Ono!" said Icarus.

And on the top of the Château Frontenac was...SATAN! That's right, Satan!

-"Mollusque-Lanceur Battle" from Super Mario Odyssey begins to play-

"Sacrebleu, putain de bordel de merde! What ze enfer is zat?" said a French dude. "Oh, and pardon my French." (AN: Geddit?!1)

"HOLY SHIT IT'S SATAN EVERYBODY RUN!" shrieked Icarus as everyone ran into La Citadelle.

All of the royal guards took out their guns and started firing at Satan.

"Your guns don't hurt me, BITCH!" said le diable.

"Let's see if you can beat the power of a goddess!" said Palutena smugly.

"Yeah, you don't scare us!" Icarus laughed to Satan.

"Oh yeah! I'll show you something truly scary! Nico Nico Nii~!"

Icarus was horrified. "I stand corrected."

Anyway, everyone kept fighting, Palutena shooting her Gatling gun, Icarus using a paintbrush as a sword, and Bean using a guillotine.

Satan was soon weakened by the attack, as Bean shot bass-boosted O Canada at him and Palutena kicked him to the ground.

She finished him off by impaling him with her staff. "Any last words?"

"Yes, the truth is...I'm not really Satan. I'm actually...AMUNOOOOO!"

"What the fuck?"

"hon hon, I am not devil i am AMUNOOOOO! I AMUNO verycool am better than you bitch allof you suck my cock fuck you shut up."

"Fuck you AMUNO, you're full of shit," said Bean.

"no u die subscribe to AMUNO and you are worse than Silvan. etron m g jamai vu un canard ss. I hate quebec it the worst and need to fucking die. sur tes blessures met dla paumade."

AMUNO was weak and about to die as all of the watcher people watching were confused.

"paris tour effeil, mort." And so AMUNO died. He was holding the bomb, so they easily took care of it.

"Oui, zey saved Quebec!" said the Canadiens. "Vive le Icarus et les Verts!" They all cheered on the group, throwing poutine and crêpes at them as a reward. And that is how Palutena, Icarus, and Bean saved Quebec.

* * *

-"Hooked (Hightide Era) from Splatoon plays-

And now it is time for what you've all been waiting for (AN: Especially me so that this long chapter can FINALLY BE OVER), Ontario!

Pit, Pittoo, and fukboi Trudeau rode on the radioactive moose for miles from Ottawa.

Fun fact! Ottawa is very close to the Ontario-Quebec border, separated by a river. The Quebec side is its sister city, Gatineau. It contains the Canadian Museum of History, aka le Musée canadien de l'histoire.

Have any of you guys seen the former flag for Ottawa? The current flag isn't bad, but the original was a fucking disaster. Who thought that purple, red, and blue would be appropriate colors for a tricolor? But I kind of like it just because it looks so horrible.

Ontario is Canada's most populated province, and it contains Toronto, the largest city in Canada and the fourth-largest city in North America, with the Toronto metropolitan area having a population of 5,928,040.

The most recognizable part of Toronto's skyline is the humongous CN Tower, being 553.3 meters to the top of the spire.

BACK TO THE STORY

Joke I stole from Reddit: I heard a rumor about the Prime Minister of Canada, but I'm not sure if it's Trudeau! (AN: Geddit!?)

The trio zoomed past many Canadian restaurants such as Pizza Pizza, Harvey's, Boston Pizza, and of course Tim Hortons, trying to get to Toronto pronto.

"GAAAAAAAAAASP!" gasped Pit with gasp. "I CAN SEE IT I CAN SEE TORONTO THIS IS SO AMAZING LOOK THE CN TOWER LOOK OTHER BUILDINGS LOOK TIM HORTONS OH MY WILLIAM LYON MACKENZIE KING YES!1111111" As it has been emphasized in previous chapters, Pit loooooooooooooooves the nation of Canadia and wants to be Canada's bitch.

Trudeau smiled at the young angle's enthusiasm, while Pittoo covered his ears.

"Saitama fucking Jojo, can you not scream right into my ears?" Why do you have to complain so much, Pittoo?

"Come on, Pittoo! Don't tell me you aren't impressed by this beautiful skyline! And you should listen to Lady Palutena and stop cursing so much."

"Really? Do you wanna know why I curse so much?"

YEARS EARLIER:

Pittoo was still in Elementary School, as Palutena took the twins to get ice cream.

"Shit," she said as she dropped her ice cream and Pit and Pittoo rushed towards the floor ice cream like hungry piranhas. The goodness soon saw her mistake and covered her mouth in goddessly shock.

"What does shit mean?" asked Pittoo curiously.

"Pittoo Delilah Angle, don't use such harsh language, young man. You're grounded for a month!"

"But I-!"

"No buts or you'll be grounded another month!"

PRESENT DAY:

"And so I decided to constantly curse as Raveng for that day."

"That was so sad," said Pit, acting like he just saw Inside Out or some shit. "Anyways, I wish we had those gem things that Sonic uses to turn Super Satan." Pit took a bite of a ghost pepper beaver tail without breaking a sweat like the badass he is.

Trudeau chucked. "You mean the Chaos Emeralds?"

"What the hell do the Chaos Emeralds have to do with anything?" questioned Pittoo, thinking about the hit 1942 film Casablanca.

"Guys, I think we may have some more pressing matters," said the sex god of a prime minister.

-The music stops-

He pointed towards an incoming army of robots coming from the city. They started robotically playing a song.

_Overlord Trump, we adore him_

_Overlord Trump, we adore him_

_Kingly lord of time and space!_

_Every day we wish him glory_

_Every day we wish him glory_

_Gazing on his noble face!_

_Master, crush the competition!_

_In your presence let us stay!_

_Yours is every star and planet_

_Now and ever, night and day!_

_We implore you, dear Overlord Trump_

_We implore you, dear Overlord Trump_

_Bless our work and be at ease!_

_Pay and ergonomic seating,_

_Pay and ergonomic seating,_

_Give us favors such as these!_

_All we wish for you our lord is_

_That you never lead us wrong!_

_Rule us all, beloved Overlord!_

_That we may all sing our song!_

The trio jumped off of their moose and prepared to fight the robots, when the screens showed a video of Trump's face on it.

-"Factory Inspection (Pyramid Area)" from Kirby: Planet Robobot begins playing-

"Your team may have stopped the nukes in the rest of Canada, but now I know exactly why: I should be doing this myself. I mean, I know more about fighting then anyone in the army. I will take all of you down easily, and once the three of you are dead, I can start my plan B to destroy Canada!"

(AN: I know all of you guys are getting tired of Trump jokes, BUT I HAVE AN EXCUSE I STARTED THIS STORY LAST YEAR BEFORE TRUMP JOKES GOT OLD, and anyway, this story is more about Canada than Trump. Please just bear with me through the Trump jokes if you're tired of them, and the story is almost over anyway.)

Trudeau was pissed. He's very hot when he's angry. "Cut your bullshit, Trump. There is no way that you can defeat us. We stopped every threat you've thrown at us, so how could an old, out-of-shape man stop this team?"

Trump laughed evilly. "You have no idea how much power I have. The real question is, how do you think you can beat me? SAD!"

Pit, Pittoo, and Trudeau watched in horror as a colossal figure flew in and landed on the ground, making Pit's Kraft Dinner splatter all over his cute angular face, an unfortunate scenario in Ontario.

It was a mecha the size of a skyscraper, and inside was Trump!

"Let's see you fuckers beat this!"

<==To Be Continued===

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GaaaaSP Trump has a giant robot! I wonder if Pit and the Defenders of Canada will be able to defeat him and maybe beat up Tim! I had a lot of fun learning about Canada for this chapter, and I hope you did too! And the things taught in this chapter just scratch the surface, as there is so much to learn about Canada! Next chapter is the finale, where Pit, Pittoo, and Trudeau have a showdown against Trump in Toronto! I already have the events planned out for next chapter, but if there is anything small that you might want me to put in the last chapter, please tell me in the comments! I can't promise it will make it in, though. Also, tomorrow (March 18th) is my 18th birthday, so happy birthday to me! I hope you're looking forward to the epic finale, and stay tuned!


	9. Pit Saves Cananada

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pit Saves Cananada.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The epic finale of Pit Saves Canada, the greatest written work known to man. This chapter will be emotional, awe inspiring, epic, everything you could ask for in a finale. Prepare yourself for the most amazing thing to ever exist ever. By the way, you still fucking suck, Tim!

-"Money Machine (Vs. Max Proffit Haltmann)" from Kirby: Planet Robobot begins to play-

CRASH KABOOM HOLY SHIT IT'S A GIANT ROBOT AND TRUMP'S IN IT! YOU GUYS HAVE TO DO SOMETHING!

"Gosh dangit, this isn't good, eh!" exclaimed Pit. As it has been stated in every chapter of this horrible story, Pit is Canada kin and loves Canadia sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much! His partners in this strange adventure are Pittoo, the edgy weeb that was formerly part of the HTK, and Justin Trudeau, the sexy sex Prime Minister of sexiness of Cananada.

"No shit," said his edgy brother.

"CITIZENS OF TOMATO: PREPARE TO BE DESTROYED!" screamed Trump from his loud speaker. "You three shits can't stop this weapon! I combined together top secret Canadian weapons and a shit ton of money to make this mecha. I call it, R.E.I.C.H.: the Robotic Executive Invincible Canadian Hurter!" (AN: Geddit BECAUSE TRUMP IS A NAZI HAHA FUNNI JOKE!)

(Insert more overused Trump jokes here)

"Crap, how can we beat that mecha!" vulgarly exclaimed Pit.

"I'll see if my charm powers work on it!" explained Trudeau. The swole minister ripped off his clothes so that he was only in his maple leaf boxers. Everyone could see his beefy hot muscles, and he pulled out a bottle of maple syrup and pored it sexily all over his body.

Something of this level of sexiness is usually able to defeat anyone, no matter their gender or sexuality, but it had no effect!

"Haha, your powers won't work on me!" laughed the evul. "I put up anti-charm shields on the mecha!"

"Gosh dangit, we have to think of another plan, eh," said Trudeau.

At the top of the machine was a window where Trump was controlling it.

"If we could break that window, Trump would be oot in the open and able to be defeated," said Pit the angle that is basically a weeb but for Canada. "But it likely has some protection on it to stop that from happening."

"And how can we get that high?" asked Dank Pit.

"I just might have an idea! Lady Palutena, can you hear me, eh?"

"Loud and clear!" she answered over the magic mind power thing.

"I need you to activate my power of flight! I have to get to a high enough level to attack the weak spot of Trump's mecha!"

"Okay, let's go!"

Pit rose into the air with his little angular wings all cutely as Pit is a cute angle.

Flying in the air, he dodged all epicly all of Trump's laser shots and shot his Canadian bow at him, but it had no damage.

"You're even weaker than I thought," mocked Trump. "SHAME!"

(Insert more overused Trump jokes here, including build a wall, Cheetos, fake news, shithole countries, Russia, etc.)

"Oh yeah, eh?" said Trudeau with a smirk on his attractive face, "We have a hidden weapon that we can use against you. A little known fact is that the CN Tower is secretly a giant weapon that will shoot a huge laser!"

Trunp laghthesd. "Try, but it won't work."

Trudeau pressed the activation code, but it had no effect! "What?!"

"I've already had it hacked with my supercomputer, Star Dream! It is by far the greatest computer in the world, and its IQ is almost as high as mine. It slightly assisted in my plan to invade Canada and helped a little bit in making my robot army."

"So that's how you took over Canada," said Pit, floating in front of the mecha. "You didn't do it on your own, Star Dream did everything for you!"

"Were you even listening? I said it barely helped, I did most of the work. And anyway, I payed so much money on it. More money than you could ever imagine making in a lifetime."

After bragging, the Overlord continued his attack. Trudeau used his manly kickboxing using his powerful muscles, Pit shot arrows at him from the sky, and Pittoo attacked with his Pandora Claws. It was, like, a super epic battle and one of the coolest fight scenes in history.

(Insert dead meme about top 10 anime fight scenes here)

It may not sound that epic, but trust me, it was so cool and epic and there were explosions and stuff everywhere. It was so amazing, just pretend that it sounds cooler! The most important part of writing is making the reader use their imagination, so I'm being a great author by making you imagine how cool the scene is instead of making it sound cool.

KABOOM TRUMP SHOOTS A LASER THAT NARROWLY MISSES PIT! (Being in all caps makes the scene more exiting) OH NO WATCH OOT TRUDEAU OH GOOD THAT WAS CLOSE!

PITTOO HITS HIM WITH HIS CLAWS BUT IT STILL DOES NOTHING THEN PIT SHOOTS HIM AND IT DOES NOTHING AGAIN! HOW STRONG IS THAT ROBOT? COME ON, GUYS! I KNOW YOU CAN DO IT!

"Thanks, eh!" said Pit.

Haha that was a fourth wall break and that's funny, are you laughing yet?

MORE FIGHTING CRASH ATTACK BOOM SMASH! How the hell do you write fight scenes?

But then...Trump shot a giant missile that hit...THE CN TOWER?!

-"Nature's Navel" from Kirby: Star Allies begins playing-

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1111111111111111111111" screamed Pit as the tower started to collapse. Trudeau was in shock that the Canadian monument was about to be destroyed.

At this moment, Pit flew faster than he ever had before, making it to the CN Tower. He used all of his strength to hold it up and keep it from collapsing. "So...heavy..." Pit was very powerful, but he wasn't sure how long he could hold it. Trudeau and Pittoo were too busy fighting Trump to help.

"Pit, are you okay?" asked Pittoo from a distance, dodging more beans I mean beams.

"I-I don't know how much longer I can keep it up," said Pit. "And the power of flight is about to run out!"

"Why are you doing this?" questioned Trudeau. "Do I even need to ask? It's because you're a fucking monster that cares aboot nothing but money."

Trump laughed. "You may be right. But all people are like me deep down. I'm just able to use my ambition to my advantage, while the rest of you just pretend to be good people. Anyway, I have an offer for the two of you. Give up now and I'll let you live. Even better, join me in taking over Canada! We can accomplish so much together!"

"Sorey, Trump, but I'm actually loyal to my country," said Trudeau heroically as he is a hero. Please fuck me, Trudeau! I'm legal now!

Trump scowled. "I thought you'd say that. What about you, edgelord. You aren't a Canadian idiot like that other angle."

"I may not be Canadian," said Pittoo, "but that doesn't mean that I'm gonna let you destroy Canada and kill innocent people. I would proudly die for this country." Pittoo has really come a long way, I'm proud of him.

"Then you will die for this country." Trump finished his conversationing of evul with the edgy weeb angle and the sexy Canadian sex machine/greatest leader in the history of the world, starting to attack again.

"Let's hope Pit can keep the tower from collapsing," said the Prime Minister with the prime body.

"And that he'll make it out alive," Dark Pit added with worry. I wish I had a Spanish tortilla right now. And maybe some arroz chaufa! And a muffin for desert.

AT THE CN TOWER:

"Pit, the power of flight is almost finished!" exclaimed Palutena through goddessly mind powers. "I'm sorry, but there isn't anything else I can do."

"I have to...save the tower," said Pit, running out of energy. But he wasn't able to hold it up any longer, falling to the ground.

But then...ropes wrapped around the CN Tower and started pulling it back up! And the person holding those ropes was...Batman?!

Pit was shocked "Batman?!"

Then Batman took of his mask to reveal that he was...Obama?!

"Obama, you're Batman?!"

"Why yes, I am! Now go fight Trump before it's too late!"

"Thank you for saving the CN Tower, Obama!"

"It's no problem!"

Pit's power of flight gave out, but he luckily had his radioactive moose to get back to Trudeau and Pittoo to assist them in defeating the evil president!

"Pit, you did it!" exclaimed the hot Canadian.

"I couldn't have stopped the tower without Obama's help!"

"Wait, what?" asked Pittoo. "Although, Obama appearing out of nowhere to save the day isn't very surprising if you consider all of the crazy shit that's happened in the past few days."

They all got back into battle formation, but Trump just laughed.

"The three of you are all so stupid. Don't you get it? This whole thing was a distraction!"

"What?!" everyone else said at once all dramatically like its JoJo's Bizarre Adventure or some shit.

They looked back, only to discover that thousands of Trumpbots were flying in!

-"Go K.K. Rider!" from Super Smash Bros. Brawl begins to play-

"I had way more robots available, due to my geniusness and maybe a little tiny bit of Star Dream's help. This was my actual plan, to distract you three while my robots invade the rest of the country, destroying it once and for all!"

"You hecking hoser!" yelled Pit.

"That's it, we need more backup! In order to stop this threat, we need everyone in Canada to team up! Lady Palutena, are you still there?"

"Yes, what's wrong?"

"Trump has a crap ton of robots that are aboot to attack all of Canada! We need to you get a message oot to the people of Canada so they can team up and stop them!"

"Okay!"

"And Pittoo and Lord Trudeau, I have a plan to defeat Trump!"

IN QUEBEC:

"We need to get a message out to everyone in the country!" said Palutena.

"But hooooooooow?" said Icarus dramatically like he was on a horrible soap opera.

"Bean, do you have your sound equipment?"

"Yeah?"

"And can you make us loud enough for everyone in Canada to hear us?"

"Fuck yeah!"

"Language, and let's start!"

Bean plugged in the speakers and set them to the max volume.

"People of Canada," said Palutena. "I am Palutena, the goddess of light!"

During this speech, the camera showed all of the other characters in the story listening in. It was just like in the last episode of that one anime.

"Donald Trump is sending in his largest wave of robots yet, and we must fight back! Everyone, get ready!"

The Canadians all started cheering and got ready for an epic battle. Many famous Canadians showed up for the fight such as Wolverine, Deadpool, Drake, Celine Dion, the cast of Degrassi, Dudley Do-right, Wayne Gretzky, and more all showed up.

And in Toronto, a magic portal opened up that the Canadian Armed Forces came out of!

"We were sent to the shadow realm, but we're back!" said a general.

In addition, the Royal Mounted Police appeared and got ready to fight with the military.

"Now," said Palutena to Icarus and Bean, "we need to cheer everyone on during the fight, so let's sing a song that everyone in Canada will hear!

And so the band got out their instruments, starting to play the greatest song in the history of the world, famous 90s Canadian pop song about going to the mall known as "Let's Go to the Mall," by Robin Sparkles.

-"Go K.K. Rider!" stops playing-

There was a super cool montage showing Pit, Pittoo, and Trudeau fighting Trump and the Defenders of Canada and everyone else in Canada fighting the robots. It was a really cool montage that was the best montage ever.

(AN: i dont own da lyrrics 2 dis song!1)

"Let's go to the mall, everybody! Go!

C'mon Jessica, C'mon Tori,  
Let's go to the mall you won't be sorry.  
Put on your jelly-bracelets,  
And your cool graffiti-coat,  
At the mall havin' fun is what its all about.

I haven't done my homework yet...That's okay.  
And you know how my parents get...Whatever.

I don't care 'cause all my friends are gonna be there.

Everybody come and play,  
Throw every last care away!  
Let's go to the mall...  
Today!

Chloe, mouse, I love it.

There's this boy I like,  
Met him at the food court.  
He's got hair like Gretzky  
And he does jumps on his skateboard.

I hope he asks me out,  
Take me to my favorite spot.  
It'll be just him and me.

But don't forget the robot.

Dad says I'm too young to date.  
Lame.  
But baby I don't wanna wait.  
I don't wanna wait.  
Let's do it.  
That's okay I'm gonna rock your body anyway.  
I'm gonna rock your body 'till Canada Day.

Everybody come and play  
Throw every last care away  
Let's go to the mall...  
Today."

-"Robobot Kirby" from Kirby: Planet Robobot starts playing-

By the end of the song, the Canadians destroyed all of Turnip's army of robots!

"How can this be?!" yelled Trump like a generic villain, having a generic villain breakdown.

"Give up, Trump!" exclaimed Trudeau. "Your army is destroyed, and we can easily beat you too!"

"N-no! It doesn't matter that I don't have an army, I'm strong enough to take over the country all by myself! This suit is so powerful, you can never get to me!"

Pit smirked. "Oh, yeah?"

Little did the evul precedent know about the plan that the team put into place.

Out of nowhere, a Canadian fighter plane flew in, and piloting it was PITTOO!1111

"Banzai, mothafucka!" screamed Dark Pit as he kamikazied the fuck out of Trump.

He did a backflip out of the plane as it collided with Trump's robot, giving double middle fingers while he was blasted away.

"NOOOOOOO MY MECHA!" The robot started to malfunction and the safety shield shattered. "HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE!111111111" he continued to generically and villainously breakdown like the bitch he is.

"Now's our chance!" exclaimed Trudeau. "This is the part where you do a precision f-strike and then defeat that hoser!"

"You can do it, Pit!" yelled Pittoo after landing face-first onto the ground.

"We believe in you!" yelled everyone in Canada.

"Let's do this!" exclaimed Pit. "By the power of Canada, the greatest country in the world, my one true love, I will strike! You! Down!"

"Stay away," said Trump, panicking like a pussy.

Trudeau grabbed onto the angle and used his huge, sexy muscles to throw Pit all the way into the cockpit of the mecha. "Va chier, hoser! Get fucked by the POWER OF CANADA!"

With the strength of a billion meese, Pit kicked Trump in the balls, completely decimating his cheeto puffs.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!1111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111" screeched Trump in absolute agony because Pit destroyed his testicles.

The giant mecha collapsed and Trump fell to the ground, unconscious.

"I did it!" said Pit like the protagonist in that one game that everyone hates.

"Yes you did!" said Trudeau. "You are Canada's greatest hero!"

"Great job, Pit," said Pittoo, giving a thumbs up but still lying on the ground in pain from the landing.

He eventually got up and gave his brother a hug. But then he saw Trump and was so disgusting that he vomited all over the now ball-less president like in the final chapter of the Hot Topic Krew.

"Today has been the best day ever," said Pit. "Nothing can mess this up!"

"Seriously, why would you say that?" questioned the egglord. "That means something bad is about to happen!"

-The music stops playing-

Suddenly...Mike Pence the homophobic bastard appeared out of nowhere! He smirked like the evil dude he is.

"You may have stopped Trump, but you have no idea how strong I-"

Pit shot him in the head with his arrow. But...the arrow shot off his outside flesh, revealing a robotic interior!

"You aren't Pence!" yelled Pit. "Who are you really?"

"Beep boop, I am known as Star Dream. In actuality, there is no Micheal Pence. I created the identity of a far-right conservative politician years ago in order to infiltrate Donald Trump's administration. I pretended to be both his supercomputer and his Vice President to manipulate him to an even greater extent."

"So you're the one who built the robots for Trump," said Trudeau.

"Yes, I am. Donald Trump purchased me from my original master and used my computing capabilities to build a robotic army and invade this country. He would have not been able to do so without my support. But little did he know that my true allegiance was with my original master. Before his death, he had me program his mind into my system so that he could one day return, sending me back in time to take the role of Pence and begin his plan. I will now complete this transaction."

Star Dream began to download the memories into his body.

"Downloading. Downloading. Downloading. Download complete. System restarting."

It's system restarted, but then...

WHIP!

"I'm back, bitches!" said a voice coming from the machine.

Everyone gasped. "Johnny Test?!"

-"Last Fight - Super Nova (vs. Star Dream Soul OS)" from Kirby Planet Robobot starts to play-

"That's right, it was me all along! Star Dream was my sisters' final invention before I murdered them, and I programmed it to follow my every command."

"So it was you that wanted to destroy Canada," said Pit.

"Actually, it was Trump's idea, and I just decided to go along with it and support his evul plan!" Whip.

"But whyyyyyyyy, eh?" questioned Pit sadly.

"Because I'm fucking evil! I just want to WATCH THE WORLD BUUURN! And now, Canada will burn! I'm gonna destroy Canada, and it's gonna be EPIC!" Whip!

"Then we'll stop you like we stopped Trump!"

"Dude, you guys are so booring! I'll just kill you quickly so that I don't have to hear you guys talk. At least, after I transform into my final form!"

A bright light whippingly came from Star Dream's body as our heroes shielded their eyes from the bright light because it was hurting their eyes.

Then he went through a big transformation sequence like in some mecha anime like Seinfeld.

Whip whip whip whip whip whip.

And now...WHIP! He's in his final form! His new form looks like a giant clock thing with a kitty cat face on it!

(AN: By the way, I made an edit of Star Dream where I replaced his face with Pipimi's from Pop Team Epic. It is a truly horrible sight)

"Meow meow fuckers, I'm a fuckin' cat!" yelled Johnny Test! Whip! "If only this form had arms so I could dab! Now I'll destroy Canada!"

Whip!

Test shot a giant laser to the ground that would incinerate the entire country, making a whip sound effect!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!1111111111111111" screamed everyone.

Suddenly, time started to slow down for everyone except Pit!

-"Divine Theme" from Miitopia starts to play-

"Pit," said an angular and heavenly voice from the heavens.

"God, is that you?" asked Pit.

"Actually, I'm Canada!" said Cananada.

"GAAAAAAAAASP!" he gasped. "It IS God!" The ángulo got down on his knees and began to worship his savior.

"Pit Virginia Leventis, I've been watching you for some time," he said. "Your are our only hope for saving the country."

"Cool, Canada!" He high fived Canada.

This scene seems a bit familiar, I wonder why.

"You represent everything that it means to be a true Canadian, and I have chosen you to wield my true power! This will be the hardest thing you've ever done, even harder than that one time you wanted to eat some floor ice cream that someone dropped on the floor, but you had a broken leg and were in a cast and couldn't reach the ground. Are you up for the task, eh?"

"Of course I am!" said Pit with pride. "Let's show that hoser who's boss!"

"Now, behold my true power!" said Canada.

-"Robobot Rush (Boss Rush)" starts playing again-

Pit went through another intricate transformation sequence, turning into SUPER CANADIAN, which is like Super Saiyan but Canadyan. Pit had a super cool Mountie uniform, but he was super muscular now like Trudeau and his muscles were very strong and powerful. He had other design things that I don't feel like describing. He was so powerful and could feel maple syrup flowing through his veins.

Then time went back to normal, and using his super Canadion speed, the Camadiam ran to the laser and deflected it with his bare hands.

"Say wha-?" Before Test could continue WHIP WHIP WHIP Pit punched him in his catlike face WHIP!

"Pit, how did you do that?" asked Trudeau in confusion at how he became so powerful.

"I've received a Mishohn from Canada! Canada gave me this power in order to save this perfect nation once and for all!"

"Wait, how did Canada talk?" questioned the angledge Pittoo.

"That means that you are the chosen one!" exclaimed the PM. "Legend states that the one chosen to save this country will receive a message from Canada and can wield its true power!"

Pit smiled with glee. "I can't believe I'm the chosen one!"

"But don't forget that Test fucker!" yelled Dark Pit, pointing towards the whippy cat clock robot.

"Right!"

WHIP!

"Woah, didn't see that coming! So you're the chosen one?" Whip whip whip. "Sounds fucking lame, just fight me." Whip.

Pit smirked all smirkingly. "If we do fight, it'll be over very quickly."

"Oh yeah?" Whip!

"Osti d'épais de marde! Mon tabarnak j'vais te décâlisser la yeule, câlice! Anyways, Johnny Test or Mike Pence or Star Dream or whatever the fuck your name is, you have one huge design flaw."

Whip. "And what is that?" Whip!

"You shouldn't have been so puck-shaped!"

Whip! "What's that supposed-" WHIP.

Suddenly, Pit used his mighty Canuck powers to summon a huge hockey stick. He struck Johnny Test/Star Dream with the power of all of Canada combined, sending him flying directly into the sun, destroying him once and for all. A huge whip sound played as he was incinerated.

"GOAL!" screamed Pit. "CANADA WINS!"

Everyone burst into applause and cheering, as Pittoo and Trudeau ran up to give Pit a hug.

"You did it!" said Trudeau. "You saved Canada!"

"I did! I can't believe it! Victory!"

Everyone started chanting, "Canada! Canada! Canada!"

Pit could feel Canada's power flowing out of him. "Thank you for everything, Canada. Until we meet again."

-"Reunited" from Undertale starts playing-

NOT TOO LONG LATER:

All of the Defenders of Canada are in Ottawa together, ready for a huge victory party!

"I can't believe you two saved the world again!" said Icarus.

"I'm so proud of the two of you," said Palutena, giving her sons a hug.

"Yeah, thanks," said Pittoo with a reluctant smile.

"I still just can't believe everything that happened in the past few days. We got to go to Canada, I met Trudeau, Trudeau became my teacher, I became a Canadian citizen, I got to kick Trump in the testicles, and we SAVED CANADA!"

"And Trump isn't our president anymore!" said Linkle.

"Sugoi, I remember the look on his face as the police arrested him," said Lana.

"He looked so fucking pathetic, crying like a bitch as the police dragged him away," said Bean. "He's going to jail for the rest of his ball-less life."

Suddenly...a carriage drove by, and out came...the queen of Canada, Queen Elizabeth II!

"Good day, sir! I say, thank you all for your help in saving Canada! And most of all, thank you, Sir Pit Leventis!"

"Sir?!"

"That's right, today is the day of your knighting ceremony!"

Pit was so surprised that his ears started bleeding. "Oh my Canada. Oh my Canada. OH MY CANADA THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD!"

And so the ceremony began, and Pittoo was knighted by the Queen! Then they had a ceremony giving a Medal of Honor to each of the Defenders of Canada.

And then EVERYONE PARTIED!

Everyone was dancing to songs by Icarus and the Greens. Everyone was invited! CIA I mean Cia, Kynthia, and Grima came with Lana, Mario came with Luigi, Sans Undertale came with Papyrus, Soren came with Ike, Bear Hugger's bear came with Bear Hugger, Naan and Popopopopoploplllppp brought a lot of eggplants, Lucas came with his parents, Polar Knight came with the Swedish Chef, Dedede came with Bandana Dee, Kirby, and Meta Knight, and Trudeau came with his family.

"Is your family coming?" Lucas asked Linkle.

"I have no family, I was genetically engineered by Soviet scientists to be the ultimate killing machine."

"Wait, where's Captain Falcon?" asked Lana. Everyone realized in horror that they completely forgot that Captain Falcon came with them and they have no idea where he is.

Anyway, everyone continued to have fun. Pit introduced himself to the Prime Minister's family as Lana dragged Pittoo around everywhere and Linkle tried to follow them but got horribly lost.

"Hey look, it's Lord Byron!" said Trudeau, pointing toward the Englishman.

"Byron," said Lord Byron, pushing a light switch.

"You FUCKING BITCH DON'T YOU DARE!1" screamed Pittoo, pulling out a gun.

"PITTOO NOT AGAIN! YOU DON'T NEED TO TAKE ANOTHER LIFE LIKE YOU DID TO CHESPIN!" yelled Pit, trying to pull the gun away from his brother.

"I CAN'T LET HIM GO THROUGH WITH THIS! I'M SO FUCKING TIRED OF THESE TUMBLR FANFICTION QUOTES!"

"Please don't do it," he begged.

Pittoo reluctantly put down his gun with tears in his eyes.

"Byroff," said Byron, turning off the lights. Pittoo broke down, crying into Pit's chest.

Once this strange situation was over, everyone got ready to sing the national anthem. Icarus did the beautiful Icarus dance as everyone joined in.

"O Canada!

Our home and native land!

True patriot love in all of us command.

With glowing hearts we see thee rise,

The True North strong and free!

From far and wide,

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

God keep our land glorious and free!

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee.

O Canada, we stand on guard for thee."

THE END!

NOT REALLY!

-"Last Goodbye" from Undertale begins playing-

EPILOGUE:

Icarus and the Greens get to perform their concert in Ottawa. Palutena/Icarus/Bean is still the best pairing ever, someone needs to make fanart and possibly erotic fanfiction of them.

After saving the CN Tower, Obama continues being Batman, fighting crime and making his enemies perish.

Trudeau continues being the sexy fukboi Prime Minister he is and the greatest leader in the history of the world, leading to a new golden age of Canada.

Lana keeps watching anime and being a weeb. Why is she still so immature and weebish in this story? She turned a lot more mature by the end of the HTK.

Linkle gets lost and somehow makes it to France! But is it really France? No, it's actually an oversees collectivity of France known as Saint Pierre and Miquelon! It is made up of a group of small and sparsely populated group of islands of the coast of Newfoundland! Fun fact, it is the only part of New France that is still under French control! And interestingly, it has a strong Basque influence on its culture. Anyway, Linkle is fucking lost again.

Palutena's and Icarus's sons Perdue and Pittsburgh or whatever their names are were introduced in the HTK after this story began, so they suddenly appeared into existence to prevent any continuity errors. There are also now known as Croissant and Baguette.

Captain Falcon is still missing.

Trump is in jail and where he will be for the rest of his life. His balls have also been destroyed and he is forced to live without testicles.

Johnny Test/Star Dream/Mike Pence is fucking dead.

Popo gets mauled by another bear, but survived (barely).

Nana is the one to save Popo. She also received a Nobel Prize for stopping global warming.

Polar Knight goes back to Sweden and becomes its new Prime Minister. He also starts dating Scarlett O'Hara (a very great ship, it is 100% canon).

Lucas starts his own fashion brand and everyone thinks he's gay because they still believe in outdated stereotypes.

A statue of Luigi is built in Capri that looks like the one of Jesus in Rio de Janeiro but with Luigi. He and his Mario have a happy brotherly relationship because they are both good people and are not abusive to each other.

Ike and Soren continue being manly lumberjacks in British Columbia, as they are canonically Canadian in the Fire Emblem games.

Papyrus and his brother Snashjrcbdssgdsd Undglwtyail go back to Smashville where Ssvnas becomes the newest smasher. Papyrus and Luigi also get married and EVERYONE IS INVITED to the wedding! Would you go to their wedding?

Zoont is floating around in space after blasting into the sky.

Bear Hugger retires from boxing to become a Canadian folk singer. He also finds his long lost squirrel!

King Dedede keeps being perfect and hangs out with Bandana Dee before Dreamland is invaded (again), but this time it's invaded by Cthulhu! Will Kirby be able to stop it? Obviously.

This story becomes the most famous fanfic in the history of the world.

Tim still fucking sucks.

The United States is in chaos after this whole thing, as the Conch Republic declared independence again and somehow obtains a nuke.

Palutena never apologizes for wrongfully punishing Pittoo for accidentally cursing even though he didn't know what the word even meant.

The Icarus Dance becomes a worldwide trend.

The rest of Trump's cabinet is arrested.

Wolf is still a wolf and a canine that acts like a canine and a wolf.

Lord Byron makes that same joke to a mob boss and is killed.

Cloud Angelos comes back from the dead because I felt bad for him after learning about his shitty dad. Eugene is still dead though.

Chespin is also dead.

Bane and CIA are dead.

AMUNO is dead, paris tour effeil.

Much to Pit's glee, a Tim Hortons is opened up in Smashville!

Pittoo is still miserable, being forced to be in so many horrible fanfictions. At least he has his brother Pit to cheer him up. By the way, Sakurai stated that Dark Pit canonically isn't goth, he's actually grunge! Thank you for this canonical information, Sakurai!

Tingle isn't in this story, but if he was, he could have easily destroyed Star Dream because he's just that strong.

And finally, Pit is forever loved in Canada, seen as a national hero. A Hamilton-style musical was even made about his adventures called Pit Saves Canada. It becomes the most famous musical ever.

-The music stops playing-

EPILOGUE OVER BUT THE STORY ISN'T!

An evil chick sat in her evil room looking at pictures of Pittoo. There were pictures of him from back when he was in the HTK and when he helped save Canada Dry.

But who is this misterius girl? What is her plan? And why are there pictures of Pittoo everywhere?

Find out...IN THE SEQUEL!

"What the fuck, there's going to be a sequel to this shit?!" said Pittoo in horror.

Haha, yes! (Probably)

I have great plans for Pit Saves Canada 2 that I'll (probably) make into a story! So stay tuned for the sequel (probably)!

"Please just leave us alone," said the edgy angle sadly.

IN OTTAWA:

"I guess this is goodbye, eh?" said Pit to Trudeau.

"It seems so. But remember, you are always welcome back in Canada. Everyone here loves you, and you're officially a Canadian citizen! In fact, I think that you should run for Prime Minister when you're older, and you'll definitely win!"

"Do you really think so?"

"I know so!"

"Thank you so much for everything, Trudeau! You are the best mentor I could ask for!"

"No, thank you."

"Wait, but what should we do in America now that we don't have a president?"

The prime minister thought for a second. "I guess we should have a new election for the next president."

A FEW MONTHS LATER, WASHINGTON D.C.:

"Now," said an announcer, "we would like to welcome the newest President of the United States of America, Green de la Bean!"

"Bitch you guessed it!"

THE END!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh, I can't believe this story is over! This is actually the first story I've completed! And this finale is the longest chapter I've ever written! I would like to give a huge thanks to the authors of the HTK for inspiring this story! I would also like to give a huge fist to Tim's face. Now, I'll give a little bit of backstory to this fic. I'm actually a fan of Canada and it's culture and history (in case you didn't guess). I got this love of Canada from my younger sister. She first became obsessed with the nation after watching the television series How I Met Your Mother and seeing all of the Canada jokes in it. Basically, my sister is basically a weeb for Canada, as she constantly talks about how much she loves the country and how much better it is than America, she has posters of Justin Trudeau on her wall, she tells everyone that she's from Canada, and she even speaks in a Canadian accent. Pit in this story was partially inspired by her, having an exaggerated version of her love for Canada. Her Canadian obsession eventually rubbed off on me, and so I decided to write this story as a love letter to the Great White North. I do get that Canada really isn't just a perfect version of America, and it has its own set of problems. What many people forget is that no country is without issues, and Canada is no exception. And Justin Trudeau sometimes seems to be glorified by those who really know nothing about him, hence his appearance in this story. But Canada is truly a beautiful place that I really love. I had fun writing this weird story, and I hope all of you had fun reading it! Be sure to keep your eye out for the sequel (maybe) when I (possibly) decide to write it! Just like this story, it would be a bizarre crackfic that never gets serious. If you liked this story, check out some of my other stories to find even more horrible pieces of garbage! Please leave me a comment and tell me what you guys thought about this fic! If you have any questions that you want me to answer, I'm happy to answer them, at least if you do it on AO3 so I can reply. Thank all of you for reading Pit Saves Canada, and I'll hopefully see you again in the near future! Au revoir!


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